We’ve all done shit we regret after a few too many Milton Mangoes, right? It’s only natural to want to relax after a hard week by dabbling in a bit of public nudity or making artless decisions about our hair. It’s a proud Australian tradition that results in indelible nicknames, psychological scars and friendships forged in the fires of shared shame, i.e. the foundations of our society.
But imagine, if you will, being a high-level member of a public service put in place specifically to discourage people from doing dumb shit after getting on the turps; and now imagine, despite all your training, the oaths you took, and your commitment to Justice, getting so thoroughly maggot that you take “doing shit while drunk” to an entirely new, literal, and nigh-inexplicable plane.
Now open your eyes and imagine no longer, because it’s real and it’s happening and you live in the same world as this actual and true event: a Gold Coast police officer has been stood down for allegedly shitting in an Uber after getting wankered on Australia Day. 
Not only was he a cop, he was an elite cop – a member of the Rapid Actions and Patrol group, which was briefly made famous on 2014 reality show Gold Coast Cops
And he shat. In an Uber
The 26-year-old has been stood down from his official position and is stuck doing desk work (or “non-operational duties“, as they like to call it) during ongoing investigations into allegations of wilful damage and public nuisance while off-duty. 
The internal investigation is the responsibility of the police Ethical Standards Command, who received an official complaint about the officer’s actions, presumably from an irate member of the sharing-economy enthusiast with a ruined 2012 Toyota Camry, a massive cleaning bill, and rapidly-developing policophobia.
Doing shit while drunk: keep it in the figurative, friends. 
Source: Courier Mail.
Image: Carl Court / Getty.