Riddle: What would make an Archbishop burn down a church altar?

Answer: If a priest filmed a BDSM-style threesome porno on it with two professional dominatrices – specifically.

Reverend Travis Clarke, 37, was arrested after he was caught filming himself getting down and dirty with two professional sex workers (41 & 23) on a church altar in New Orleans in broad daylight.

Father, when does the next service start?

The private church disco apparently included sex toys, role play, high heels and corsets, and the priest naked under his vestments. The production wasn’t cheap either, with proper filming lights and a tripod-mounted camera.

Glad to know the church donations are going somewhere practical.

The naughti boi preist and co have been charged with public obscenity, as apparently the good ol’ time they were having was visible from the street. All three could face up to three years in prison if convicted.

As well as being arrested, Revered Travis has as been removed from the ministry.

Excuse me a second, there is something in my throat.

*Cough*But*Cough*George*Cough*Pell*Cough*Is*Cough*Fine?!*Cough*

Ok, I think I got it out. But I can’t be sure.

“His desecration of the alter in the church was demonic, and I am infuriated by his actions,” pyromaniac Archbishop Gregory Aymond said in a video statement. He later had the altar burned.

New Orleans isn’t exactly in America’s bible belt, but it’s in close quarters, which is why police in the area might be forgetting the sex workers were there to do a job and were all consenting adults (a breath of fresh air for the Catholic Church).

Lady Vi, one of the dominatrices who was arrested released a statement with her lawyer via Twitter.

“It is very regrettable that ‘Lady Vi’ and ‘Empress Ming’ are being presented to the world as criminals when, in fact, they have done nothing wrong,” the statement read.

“None of the alleged conduct was criminal in nature.”

A new, untainted church altar is reportedly being put in its place next week.

Image: The Young Pope