Goon has been an indispensible part of the Australian way of life since its invention.
A handy 4 litre sack – surrounded by 6 beautifully manufactured cardboard sides designed with such attention, care and artistry as to be akin to the works of Leonardo Da Vinci or Johannes Vermeer – all protecting the sweet elixir that lies within. Could there anything greater than that?
Unfortunately not all goon is up to the standard. So you don’t have to spend too much time worrying about it, here is the top 10 boxes of drop as chosen by the experienced team at www.goodgoonguide.com.
No alterations, contributions or corrections will be accepted.
10. Stanley Dolce Rosso
The Stanley Dolce Rosso is not the best tasting liquid to pass your lips. But it is inoffensive enough to be slightly pleasurable.
If you are going to drink it by itself, please make sure it’s chilled. Yes, I know red wine is meant to be drunk at room temperature. Just not this one.
It’s great in Sangria, mixed with Coke – red wine mixes well with Coke, which you definitely already knew. Here’s a little secret… try mixing it with white wine and a soft drink. Delicioso.
9. Original Passion Pop
The list just wouldn’t be complete without a sparkling wine. It may not come in a box, but this is goon. Spiritually, sparkling wine is goon, and you know it.
When you think of cheap sparkling wine you just cannot go past Passion Pop. It’s an oldie but a goldie and with good reason. The only way you’re going to get a nicer, cheaper sparkling goon is if you SodaStream your own – which I do highly recommend.
8. Sonata Estates Fresh Dry White
The cheapest goon I have ever come across.
Don’t let the smell of damp socks fool you. That’s just its defence mechanism. Once you wade through the stench you’ll be treated to a completely average-tasting wine-based beverage.
It only ranks so highly for the price – not the smell.
7. Golden Oak Medium Dry White
For fans of a cheap, dry, white. Nowhere near as nice tasting as, say, the Yalumba, but you get what you pay for. Recommended more for mixing than drinking on its own.
6. Golden Oak Fruity Lexia
The most famous goon out there, but it’s a bit like having the Red Hot Chilli Peppers as your favourite band.
The box combines the crushed grape dregs of possibly hundreds of cheap wines with the affordability of one of those 10-for-1 action/adventure movie box sets.
Ultimately, it can be a little too sweet and is best for people still acquiring a taste for goon.
5. Stanley Chardonnay
The goon that started it all for us. It has been a favourite for as long as we have been drinking goon.
The Chardonnay possesses a semi-sweet, citrusy flavour with a bit of bite. The wine combines tropical and citrus fruit flavours with an oak finish, all very common in Chardonnays. For those who are not accustomed to the taste, it definitely does not go down easily. It may seem quite tart to some.
The real plus is the number of standard drinks you get in a 4 litre cask – a whopping 41 – making the Stanley Chardonnay one of the best tasting and best value for money goons on the market.
4. Tangled Vine Estate Soft Fruity White
By far one of the best tasting sacks on the market and reasonably priced to boot. Not the strongest alcoholic content but the taste far outweighs any negatives.
I’m also yet to get a hangover from a box o’ Soft Fruity White – and that is the kind of plus you just can’t pass over.
3. Yalumba Classic Dry White
This is no working class goon. This is for the goon drinker that wears a suit to work, or at the very least a button-up and some chinos.
The priciest sack on the list, but not without reason. It’s quality – tastes great and scores extra points for being one of few boxed wines that is vegan. This is one for the fans of a dry goon.
Tastes good, mixes well, but thanks to the price is probably not suited to the young, poor goon slurper.
2. Tangled Vine Estate Fruity Lexia
In second place is the Tangled Vine Fruity Lexia – boasting a taste profile equal to that of the Tangled Vine Estate Soft Fruity White (#4), but proving to be slightly better value for money with an additional 5 standard drinks. As any seasoned gooner will know, that’s huge.
The taste is also rich, almost syrupy, kind of like a dessert wine. Definitely refreshing. Don’t question its ability to refresh. It’s great for mixing, as the flavour can be easily masked.
1. Day Break Estate Fruity Lexia
1st place goes to the phenomenal Day Break Estate Fruity Lexia. Yep, another fruity lexia.
When I first laid eyes on the cask, I thought I was dreaming. I had never, in all my days drinking goon, seen a box of goon so beautiful. The image depicts a fiery orange sunset with a silhouetted tree in the foreground. It belies an intensity of experience well reflected in the actual consumption.
On the nose, the wine had a pretty subtle smell; soft and fruity. I’ve never tasted a goon like it. It almost tasted like it had already been pre-mixed with lemonade or soda water. It pretty much tasted like a Sangria mix.
The wine even finished smooth, which is strange for a goon that contains 37.5 standard drinks in its boxy confines.
Go forth. Go forth now, and goon.
Photo: Flickr / Tama Leaver.