If you ever have a problem in life, chances are it can be solved almost instantaneously by painting big green dicks over it. Trust me, this advice works wonders, especially for Geoff Upson, a Kiwi who is fixing the potholes around New Zealand with massive dicks.

Geoff Upson, 30, is a handyman and self-proclaimed road safety campaigner whose goal in life is to see a majority of the egregious potholes across New Zealand finally covered up, so that they don’t tear off the wheels of any innocent drivers-by.

To help encourage Auckland Transport to maintain their roads, Geoff posts photos and videos of the potholes to his Facebook. The only catch here is that all of the potholes have been spraypainted over with a giant green dick, to help encourage road authorities to do something about the potholes sooner.

“I drew on the road the first time in 2018 out of frustration,” Upson told VICE.

According to Upson, he has spent NZ$400 (AU$286) on spray paint this year alone. That’s a lot of green, my friend.

You can take a good look at the road schlongs right here.

Upson gets a whole bunch of shapes and angles in his spraypaint pieces, and told VICE that he has painted “well over 100 potholes” by now.

Saints and angels truly visit us in mysterious ways. This is truly majestic.

Sometimes Upson even paints a whole myriad of dicks, and it is truly splendid.

Look at those little green guys.

The best part of this entire thing, however, is that Upson does a lot of the spraypainting jobs alongside his trusty companion George, who wears a hi-viz that has little pockets for the spray cans.

Look, forget about the dicks on the road, this is the best part of this entire story. Look at him!!

According to NZ Autocar, a spokesperson for Auckland Transport has made it clear that they intend to report the “culprit” of the dick graffiti to the police, and charge Upson for the total cost of paint removal.

“I’m disappointed that Auckland Transport has told the media they want to prosecute me when they are still making almost no effort to repair unsafe potholes and undulations on roads I have to drive on a daily basis,” Upson told VICE.

Something tells me Upson and George aren’t going to be hindered in their grand dick-painting schemes. We stan.