Just like we always dreamed of ever since we were little kids, the day is finally here: tomorrow we get to find out what percentage of Australians still think gay people are some kind of sewer mutant. The ABS will be working long into the night, feeding paper forms into their gigantic, inscrutable, steam-powered counting machines so as to bring us the results of the marriage equality postal survey in the morning – just in time to ruin an entire day if the results turn out bad.
While I personally plan to determine what the result was by standing out on the street, waiting for screams of panic, and determining what the outcome was by guessing at how straight-sounding the screams are, you might want to take a slightly more specific approach.
According to the ABS, the results will be released at 10am AEDT, which means 10am for Victoria, NSW, Tasmania, and the ACT. That will be a slightly more brisk 9am for those of us in Queensland who fear the sun and worry that the lengthening of the afternoon could only increase its power of over us.
Our similarly sun-fearing friends in the Northern Territory will get the results at 8.30am local time, while South Australia will receive theirs at 9.30am. West Australians will have to wake up the earliest, getting theirs at the bright and early time of 7am.
The results will be announced at an ABS press conference which will be broadcast live on television and they will be publishing the results immediately following the broadcast on the postal survey website. If you want the results plus a few colourful turns of phrase and incredible GIFs, we will also be publishing the result both here on the website and our Facebook and Twitter pages.
If you want to hear the result in the company of some good eggs, I thoroughly recommend checking out this list of places organised by Australian Marriage Equality to watch the broadcast. Treat yourself.