In case you missed history earlier today, Australia voted with a big resounding ‘YES’ to marriage equality, ending this absolute farce of a postal survey on a positive note.
But to get that result, we had to sit through an announcement from Australian Bureau of Statistics head statistician, David Kalisch. And christ on a fucking bike did he ever drag it out.
Never mind that the LGBTQI community has been on tenterhooks for months to find out whether Australia thinks they’re an equal citizen or not.
Never mind that many of the queer community who have campaigned tirelessly spent last night in a ball of anxious thoughts.
First, we simply must sit through a five-hour presentation (or thereabouts) on the ABS itself.
Folks were not happy about this short delay.
Don’t need an ad for the ABS mate.
— Bhakthi (@bhakthi) November 14, 2017
THIS. IS. EXCRUCIATING
— Amy Coopes (@coopesdetat) November 14, 2017
take your time mate, don’t worry about it
— thomas violence (@thomas_violence) November 14, 2017
https://twitter.com/GordyPls/status/930571415845158913
https://twitter.com/callapilla/status/930571548947185664
What a wonderful time to realise the Australian Bureau of Statistics is ABOS
— brokeblak mountain (@NayukaGorrie) November 14, 2017
he’s about to plug his soundcloud
— Nick Bond (@bondnickbond) November 14, 2017
https://twitter.com/anguslivingston/status/930571420504965120
Big laughs and jeers from the crowd as the ABS statisticians list their credentials as a polling booth. #marriageequality #voteyes
— steph harmon (@stephharmon) November 14, 2017
BUT HE FINALLY CAME OUT AND SAID IT. 61.6% OF AUSTRALIANS VOTED YES.
Look, to be fair to Kalisch, he was probably forced to go through all that BS beforehand and was trying to hide his smile the whole time. Not everyone was mad at him, and it’s kind of important to acknowledge that.
https://twitter.com/millenialpinko/status/930574765974155264
https://twitter.com/iamdanicalani/status/930574499254222848
Bless him, David Kalisch would be a terrible poker player. His smile before he even started speaking gave away the results. He was a man delivering good news. 🏳️🌈 #MarriageEquality
— Juliet Whisky 🦘🇦🇺🇺🇦🌻 (@_julietwhisky) November 14, 2017
I’ve rarely seen a statistician smile more than David Kalisch is at the moment #Australia #marriageequality
— Simon Best (@simonpjbest) November 14, 2017
Heteros, your job today is to buy a queer a beer (or any beverage, alcohol or otherwise, of their choosing). Queer people, your only job is to demand hugs, celebrate, self-care, or do literally whatever the fuck else you want. (Also: demand heteros buy you beer. You’ve bloody well earned it.)