Police On The Hunt For “Mystery Pooper” Who Keeps Shitting In Family’s Yard

Tell you what, friends: you might be having a bad week, but you aren’t having a ‘random person keeps shitting in my front yard’ kind of week.

A family in Colorado is being terrorised by a woman they’ve dubbed “the mystery pooper”, because despite them begging her to stop, she keeps shitting in their front yard. Full marks for dedication, but you have to question her methods.

Cathy Budde told KKTV that her kids first raised the alarm. “They are like, ‘There’s a lady taking a poop!”, so I come outside, and I’m like, ‘Are you serious? Are you really taking a poop right here in front of my kids?’ She’s like, ‘Yeah, sorry’.”

She said she expected the woman, who was kitted out in exercise gear, to come back, clear up her mess and apologise. Unfortunately when the woman did come back, it was only to drop another deuce.

“I put a sign on the wall that’s like ‘please, I’m begging you, please stop’,” said Budde. “She ran by it like 15 times yesterday, and she still pooped.”

The woman has now dropped her pants and shat on their front lawn a number of occasions, and the family is baffled.

“Two other times we’ve caught her — caught her yesterday — she changed up her time a little bit because she knew I was watching,” said Budde.

“There’s plenty of public restrooms less than a block away from where she’s targeting. This is intentional.”

The local police department is absolutely baffled, and let me tell you guys – same.

“It’s abnormal, it’s not something I’ve seen in my career,” said Sgt. Johnathan Sharketti. “For someone to repeatedly do such a thing … it’s uncharted territory for me.”

If caught, the woman could face charges of indecent exposure and public defecation. She might also have to face some excruciating questions from the cops, too, but I guess that’s what you get when you literally shit on someone’s front lawn.