Pls Pray For This Family, Whose Photographer Turned Them Into Hideous Golems

photographer retouching family

I don’t envy photographers. It can’t be easy, being expected to make the stuff of magical memories, designed to be displayed on the mantelpiece for perpetuity, out of regular people who in all likelihood look like sides of ham.

But my sympathy must stop here, at the absolute indignity done to one poor, innocent family, whose photographer allegedly held on to their family snaps for months, only to finally provide them with THIS:


Unless this is a family of plasticine monsters animated by the distilled hatred of a thousand demons, something has gone seriously wrong in this transaction.

Pam Zaring is the one who organised these photos of her family, and the one who posted them on Facebook – in, it’s got to be said, extraordinarily good humour.

In a public post peppered with laughing emojis, Zaring explained the situation:

Ok. This is NOT a joke. We paid a photographer, who claimed to be a professional, $2-250 for a family photo shoot. Please see these FOR REAL photos she delivered to us….She said the shadows were really bad on the beautiful, clear, sunny day and that her professor never taught her to retouch photos. Feel free to share ???????????? I literally have not laughed this hard in YEARS!!!!! You can’t make this stuff up…..again, this is NOT a joke – final product ????

This whole thing has raised a lot of questions. What photography school doesn’t teach a student how to edit photos? Why is a photographer with a gap in her skill-set the size of the Mariana Trench plying her trade in exchange for actual money?

And most importantly, what kind of syphilitic mind considers this to constitute adequate retouching?

Thankfully Zaring remains upbeat about it, saying in a comment,

This is not a joke. This is legitimately the final product I received in the mail yesterday. I passed my furious mark months ago when she wouldn’t send us anything. I was fully prepared to be scammed, money gone, and no final product! So the humour was much easier to find. Trust me, at one point my blood boiled anytime I was asked about the status of our photos!! This is the most expensive comedy I’ve ever paid for!!!!

At least the dogs look good?