Ahh, the Brits. Say what you will about them as a nation (being, as it is, responsible for colonialism, Brexit, and literal blood pudding), the people themselves can at least be counted on to have a sense of humour. Case in point: the replies on Twitter to the New York Times‘s solicitation for stories of petty crime happening in London.
While the NY Times is clearly trying to gather case studies for a report on rates of burglary in the city, and the London police’s response (or lack thereof), the good British citizens of Twitter are taking it upon themselves to draw attention to the real issues plaguing the nation’s capital. I’ll give you a hint: there’s a lot of queue-jumping, and people are on the verge of seriously tutting about it.
Saw someone try and join the middle of a queue once to join their friend. Luckily the police were on hand to tut loudly at them until they moved to the rear.
Wasn’t pretty.— Burp Reynolds (@TheWorstTom) December 13, 2018
You’ve reminded me of the time a drunk woman put her arm around me on the Tube and then fell asleep and I had to travel five whole stops being touched by a stranger.
I thought I was over it. I’m not. And Victim’s Services has had budget cuts, so I am alone.
— Margaret P Houston (@HoustonMargaret) December 13, 2018
https://twitter.com/bellamackie/status/1073181050891878400
https://twitter.com/harriet1marsden/status/1073172347916570624
it won’t happen again
— Jim Pickard 🐋 (@PickardJE) December 13, 2018
https://twitter.com/jimwaterson/status/1073170360563060736
My train was 10 mins late to London Bridge once (or twice); the explained it was due to the wrong type of rain falling on the tracks; there was widespread fury…
— Sukh Singh (@ribhkus07) December 13, 2018
All very funny but this is serious: I said “after you” to a woman entering a cafe and instead of saying “no no please, my good lady I insist, after YOU” she went in, ordered exactly what I was going to order for lunch, and got the last one. I almost tutted but I am not an animal.
— Erica Buist (@ericabuist) December 13, 2018
someone clipped me with their trolley in Waitrose the other day and only apologised once
— Josh Barrie (@joshbythesea) December 13, 2018
The day I moved to London someone threw a fork at me from an upstairs window as I walked on the street below.
I didn’t realise at the time, but thanks to an ancient by-law, it turns out I’m now entitled to have three of my sheep marry the offender’s firstborn daughter.
— Tom Green 📻 (@TomDGreen) December 13, 2018
I once saw a pigeon nick a mayonnaise sachet from an old couple on a park bench
— James Anthony (@jimxant) December 13, 2018
Truly shocking stuff from the citizens of London. We can only hope the NY Times gives this abhorrent crime wave of single apologies, croissant-taking and thuggish pigeons the attention it really deserves.
