German police are investigating the mysterious felling of Bavaria’s beloved Big Wood Dick (not the official name) on the weekend.
It’s been a big week for mysterious statues, with the Utah Monolith disappearing just days ago. But while Utah had the Monolith and Australia has the Big Banana, Germany reigned supreme with a two-metre wooden sculpture that very much resembled a penis.
The phallic statue appeared without explanation in the Bavarian town of Kempten a few years ago, and this weekend vanished in the same fashion, leaving behind a small pile of sawdust, according to local newspaper Allgaeuer Zeitung.
It’s unclear how the huge statue disappeared without anyone noticing, considering it weighs a whopping 200kg and is taller than most humans.
I mean, it shouldn’t be hard to find the culprits, who I imagine are drinking a stein of beer at a German pub with a huge 2m dick in their possession.
However, due to the fact that nobody really knows who owns the statue, police are unsure if a crime has actually been committed.
“We don’t know whether it is a criminal offence or not,” police spokesman Holger Stabik told Allgaeuer Zeitung.
“Every possible clue is being investigated – but so far there are none.”
Although it had only been around for a few years, the statue won the hearts of locals and tourists, even earning its own Google Maps listing as a “cultural monument”.
Nobody really knows where the statue came from, or what its purpose was, but some speculate that the sculpture was an unwanted prank birthday gift that was dumped on the mountain.
But the real question here is how Australia managed to get so many ‘Big’ things and nobody thought to give us a Big Penis??? Blasphemy!
Between this and the Utah Monolith, I am wholeheartedly convinced that aliens are among us. And, if this monument is anything to go off, they are dangerously horny.