Pedestrian’s Guide To Moving Out Of Home

Three general categories emerge when compartmentalising your life based upon your possessions: there’s the NEED TO KEEP pile, the GET RID OF hoard, and the DON’T REALLY NEED BUT REFUSE TO GET RID OF stockpile. The latter is also known as the LEAVE AT HOME FOR YOUR PARENTS TO DEAL WITH group. 

Be warned, a hallucinogenic blend of nostalgia combined with the aroma of mothballs from crates unearthed from storage can sometimes wreak havoc upon these categories. It’s always good to have someone on hand to help you cull your belongings, especially when the hoarder-narcissist inside of you refuses to part with that year six school assignment that explores the life cycle of the leaf miner caterpillar. 

Keep it simple and try to only take what you need. Sounds obvious but really, half the fun of moving out is accumulating a whole bunch of new stuff that you don’t really know what to do with. It’s also a really good time to attempt to take official ownership of all those possessions you didn’t exactly pay for but use as if you had: your bed, a chest of drawers or cupboard, maybe even the TV in the living room you’ve spent countless hours of your life in front of. Push the generosity as far as your family and friends are willing, because once you’re set up, it only goes downhill from there.

Note: One sub-category we failed to mention was items that can be passed off as gifts:

Relocation’s a bitch. That’s not entirely true, relocation is often very rewarding, however the actual act of packing your life into boxes and hauling it all from one place to another varies from being an absolute breeze to a soul-crushing, terrifying ordeal. This is all dependent on where you’re moving to of course. If it’s anything like the first time my boyfriend moved out of home it’ll all be over in a matter of minutes as you settle into your new, mostly furnished house located directly next door to your family home. That was an anomaly, of course. 

Whilst most plans to move out of home don’t involve becoming next-door neighbours with Ma and Pa, a plan of action involving bribery is usually the most efficient way of getting things happening. Basically, you need to find yourself some friends with driver’s licenses. Taking things a step further, your new BFFs should have vehicles and/or muscles. How are you going to get the fridge up two flights of stairs into your new kitchen? There’s no need for an expensive removalist company when you can pay your mates with a couple of cases of Sol.

Although the thought of moving out with your bestie is probably seems a lot like this:

It could quite possibly (and very easily) turn into something more like this:

It’s harsh but true, so we’re just going to be blunt. Just because you like someone doesn’t mean you’ll like living with them. If you’re worried about things turning into a real-life episode of Girls, share with people who are more removed from your clique, maybe someone you know through a mutual friend or even a person you don’t really know at all. We aren’t suggesting you ditch your close mates for a ‘found him on the side of the street’ stranger, but if you are planning on moving into a share-house it’s important to get a bit of a handle on who it is you plan on living with. 

As a general rule of thumb avoid the following:

1.  Known sociopaths 

2.  Individuals with poor hygiene (because that’s just gross)

3.  Nickelback fans

Living in a share house is a great way to meet new people, as well as potentially inherit more hand-me-down furniture and judge people based on their music preferences. Bliss.

Now this one’s a toughy. No matter how ready you think you are to grab the strong, well-established hand of adulthood and stroll into the sunset, you’re more than likely in for a bit of a shock at first. Whether it’s triggered by the costs involved in living out of home or the hours wasted doing laundry, you’re bound to become aware of things you once took for granted and even feel a little overwhelmed.  Such realisations may vary from person to person and can fluctuate in severity, but in the likely event of a panic attack, always remember to breathe. 

Such epiphanies may include (but are not limited to) awareness that you’ve been taking the constant presence of food for granted, that maintaining a comfortable air-conditioned temperature indoors gets a little pricey and that cable TV is actually a luxury item.

The good news is that us humans are resilient, responsive creatures so you’re bound to cope with it all eventually. It’s worth noting that now you’re running your own show, you can never be too prepared. A list of emergency numbers is a good starting point, and may just prevent your house from self destructing in the event of a toilet malfunction.

Destiny’s Child were onto something when they sang “Can you pay my bills? Can you pay my telephone bills? Can you pay my automo’ bills? Then maybe we can chill”. Seriously, the bills add up and living out of home gets damn expensive. With a bit of forward planning, you can stay on top of the bills, bills, bills before they assault your bank balance. In the event of financial stress, this will become your go-to meal:

When moving out, try to live within your means. As much as it sounds like boring budgeting advice from your year 9 commerce teacher, you don’t want to move out of home into a pit of insatiable debt. Not fun. 

Be realistic. You probably can’t take the entire contents of your spacious family home to your new place, particularly if you’re moving interstate or to an inner-city apartment in a major city. 

Shit gets weird very quickly in the online classifieds world. Australia may not have Craigslist, but we do have it’s creepy little sister Gumtree. The safest advice? Steer clear of ads like this one. Unless of course, being someone’s cyber-sourced live-in nudey housemate is what you’re looking for. 

Have fun! Once you’ve successfully flown the coop, left the nest and completed all other bird-related idioms, bust out a classic track and celebrate your independence!