One Of The All-Time Shittiest Inner-Melb Pubs Is Officially Up For Sale

Chasing that ultimate investment opportunity, but simultaneously keen for the mother of all challenges? Is there ever the deal for you going right now.

One of Melbourne’s objectively worst, yet still widely beloved, pubs has mysteriously been put up for sale overnight.

Fitzroy’s inglorious fluorescent watering hole, Tankerville, has suddenly sprouted a pair of giant real estate boards promising a ‘forthcoming auction.’

The pub, which is housed in an extremely large and unmistakable building, sits on the corner of Nicholson and Johnston Streets, occupying what has to be incredibly valuable land in one of the city’s highly sought-after inner-northern suburbs.

It sure as hell ain’t the most highly regarded joint in the area; the Tank carries a 1.5 star rating on Yelp, a 2-star rating on TripAdvisor, and a strangely hefty 3.6-star rating on Google review, most likely bolstered by those able to see the inner charm through its gritty sheen.

So while any potential closure of the pub is not likely to cause the level of outrage and public animosity stirred up in the wake of other long lost pubs in the area, the ye olde Tank nevertheless holds a certain special – if not incredibly seedy – place in the hearts of local residents.

The lights are always on way too bright, the once-great jukebox barely works anymore, occupying space on the smoker’s balcony is a roll of the dice at the best of times, and the whole place might smell vaguely of piss and lost gambling money. But the pool tables were always solid, the daiquiri machines always cold, you could score a single takeaway traveller at some ungodly hours, and the stories of the More Chilli machine paying out were never in short supply.

The pub, which was open 24/7, attracts the kind of clientele you’d expect a pokies pub with those kind of opening hours would. On a personal note, I once saw a man sprint out the open doors of a tram, vault over the tram stop fence, and run inside the building at 4:10pm on a sunny Tuesday. He did this instead of walk the five metres to the end of the fence, and across two lanes of road to the pub’s slightly-further-away other door. A personal Melbourne highlight.

What’s to become of the grubby old bastard remains unclear; the land value is immense, particularly given how sizeable the block is. PEDESTRIAN.TV has reached out to selling agents CBRE for comment on the impending sale.

If this is indeed the end of the blessed Tankerville, part of a lot of people will be sad to see it go. For better or worse, it is an icon of the area.

A manky icon. But an icon nonetheless.