The ABC has done an investigation into one of the wildest political mysteries this side of Parliament House and it involves a One Nation candidate who may or may not exist. Yes, you read that correctly.

Narelle Seymour is one of seven candidates competing for the seat of Hughes, you know, the one currently held by gallbladder stone Craig Kelly. As you’d expect, all seven candidates are doing the usual campaigning, except one. Nobody has heard of Miss Narelle here. Nobody has seen her. None of her rivals knows who the fuck she is.

Who is this mysterious invisible woman? Where the fuck is she? And what does she want with the seat of Hughes? Is she some kind of super puppet constructed by Pauline Hanson‘s brittle (allegedly) racist hands?

The ABC has done an absolutely brilliant investigation into who this woman is and boy is it a wild ride. Let’s put our Sherlock hats on and observe the evidence, shall we?

According to the ABC, five of the candidates for Hughes are set to appear at a forum in Sutherland. It will be very interesting to see if Narelle shows face, if she exists.

“It’s very, very strange,” candidate forum organiser Elizabeth O’Neill told the ABC.

“I trawled the web for that woman. There’s not a photo or an Instagram or anything.”

Nice. Nice. Love that.

The ABC called One Nation and a spokesperson confirmed that Narelle Seymour does in fact exist and is definitely running for Hughes. Maybe she’s just an introvert? She’s shy, everyone.

The Australian Electoral Commission (AEC) also confirmed that Narelle’s listed on its website as completely eligible to run for parliament. She apparently works in aged care and is enrolled to vote in the suburb of Wagga Wagga.

narelle seymour signature
An AEC declaration form allegedly signed by Narelle Seymour (Image provided by the AEC and obtained by the ABC).

Spot the difference between that and this, honestly:

narelle seymor simpsons

ABC Investigations took it one step further, however, confirming there are five Narelle Seymours in all of Australia. Only two of these women are in NSW. After getting in contact with both of these women, the ABC confirmed that neither of the Narelle Seymours in NSW were running for the seat of Hughes. Then Hugh the hell is she?

Also running for Hughes is Linda Seymour, who has the unfortunate fate of sharing a last name with the mysterious Narelle. Her name will also appear under Narelle’s on the ballot, which is doubly unfortunate.

“People are rightly confused and you can imagine it’s very confusing for our campaign too,” said Seymour. The other Seymour. The real one. Linda.

“There is going to be natural confusion. We’ve printed a sticker that says ‘Seymour 2022’ … now that’s largely redundant.”

According to the AAP, shortly after they sent an email to One Nation about Narelle Seymour, she disappeared from their website.

Shortly after the ABC’s article, a spokesman for the AEC confirmed that they’ll be investigating Narelle Seymour and the extremely mysterious shit that’s going on.

“In light of information in the public domain regarding this particular candidate nomination we are reviewing the circumstances surrounding it,” the spokesman said in a media statement.