This Video Of An Octopus Opening A Can Of Whoopass On A Man Makes Me Never Want To Swim Again

octopus attack

Stop whatever you’re doing because I *promise* you it’s less exciting than this video of an octopus attacking a human. Yes, *attacking*.

Author and geologist Lance Karlson was just casually walking along the beach at Western Australia’s Geographe Bay with his two-year-old daughter when he first saw the octopus attack a seagull.

Naturally, he walked closer to get a better look at what the absolute fuck he just saw, and that’s when the octopus redirected its anger towards him.

He managed to capture the moment on film as the octopus whipped its tentacles at him and his daughter before swimming away.

“The angriest octopus in Geographe Bay! After going after a seagull it then decided my daughter and I deserved a lashing! I later discovered its home amongst a crab graveyard, where it came after me again,” he wrote on Instagram.

Karlson then had a *third* encounter with the wild beast while the octopus was resting on a bed of seashells. But this time, the octopus was clearly done with his shit and gave him a whack across the arm and neck, promptly telling him to gtfo of his home.

“There was some stinging, but after being a lifesaver for some years I’ve been stung by bluebottles and it was not anything like that,” Karlson told Nine News.

“It was more the pain from the physical strike of the octopus.”

If you’re wondering what the lesson here is, it’s that every single thing in the ocean can, and probably wants to kill you. 

At this point, I would rather take my chances with a great white shark before I’d go near this feisty creature. 10/10 would drag my body to the deepest depths of the Mariana Trench.