A whole bevy of fucked up weather conditions is reported to hit the east coast of Australia, as NSW and QLD especially have been asked to stay vigilant as the weather comes to kick our asses.

The Bureau of Meteorology Australia (BoM) has kindly sent out a severe weather update, informing the peaceful citizens of NSW and QLD that severe thunderstorms will be paying us a visit. However, they won’t be alone, and will be bringing their good friends severe winds, large hail, heavy rainfall and potential floods. Fun!

“Severe thunderstorms with damaging winds, large hail and heavy rainfall that may lead to flash flooding are likely across north-east New South Wales and south-east Queensland on Tuesday,” said meteorologist Sarah Scully in a video for BoM.

“The hit-and-miss nature of thunderstorms makes it difficult to forecast exactly where the heaviest rainfall totals will be, however soils are saturated due to recent rainfalls, leading to an increase in surface run-off, and an increase in the likelihood of flash flooding.”

Basically, to translate that into non-weather terminology, we’re all fucked, seek shelter, and do not leave the goddamn house.

The real brunt of the weather warning was expected to hit the east coast on Tuesday morning, but as anyone in the affected areas may be able to tell you, the weather was lovely.

This means that late Tuesday, as well as Wednesday and Thursday, we can expect to be absolutely lashed by lady lightning. Any excuse to stay inside and wrap up in some blankets I will take, thank you.

Flash floods are also expected to hit due to soil that is still saturated, but the longer we wait for the storm to arrive, the lower our chances of any excessive flooding (thank the lord).

Personally, I’m just looking forward to living out my weather reporter fantasy. Catch me out and about in the eye of the storm, reporting on the fact that it’s raining.

Be sure to take extra care when heading home this week, and ensure that anything which could be pummelled by hail is safe inside.

See you after the storm, my friends. Well, some of you.