As people across NSW and southern Queensland are evacuating their homes to escape the floodwaters of the massive downpours over the last week, critters with more than two legs have been doing the same thing. The result is something that has made my skin crawl, with plague-levels of bugs and spiders crawling out of their hidey-holes to flee from the rising water levels.

Abso-fucken-lutely not.

My deepest sympathies to anyone with long hair that tickles their backs and arms while reading this story, or anyone who flinches when something brushes up against you for the next forever. I feel you, that’s me as I write about this.

As the floodwaters rise, so does the creepy-crawly kingdom, and people are sharing photos of swarms of bugs and spiders trying to beat the big wet.

In Kinchela Creek in NSW’s mid-north coast, one bloke snapped a picture of literal thousands of little spodes all skating on top of the water.

nsw floods spiders swarm
[Image: Facebook / Matt Lovenfosse]
Literally, all the brown you see in that photo? Tiny spiders. No thanks. Imagine tripping over and landing face-first in that.

Obviously, this is shot quite close because I’m pretty sure that cricket in the foreground isn’t actually the size of your hand, unless it is, and then that’s also supremely fucked too.

In Sydney, a TikTok of the fence at Shenea Varley‘s local park has gone mildly viral as people have found themselves in Spider TikTok and this nightmare fuel has popped up on their For You page.

@thehappinesstrail

They will climb up your legs to get shelter as well if your not careful #nswfloods #nsw #australia #spider #fyp #nope

♬ This is Australia – TikTok

My favourite comment was someone saying that watching this video made them “itchy” which has turned my stomach into a ball of nope. The furry legs, all the jittery, spidery movement, just imagine accidentally putting your hand on the fence. Yuck.

The unreal, eight-legged phenomenon is happening pretty much everywhere that’s being hit by the flash flooding – one hiker and photographer on Twitter took some snaps just outside of Windsor in the Hawkesbury region, where fuck-off large spiders are skating across the water to get to dry land.

No.

NO.

I think the thing that fucks me up the most about all of this is that this is just the normal number of spiders living around us at all times. They haven’t all swept in from some other spider-heavy area; these spindly-legged fucks live their little spidery lives under our nose ALL THE TIME.

I’m very sorry NSW but this is just night terror material. Maybe tuck your socks into your jeans for a bit.

Image: Facebook / Matt Lovenfosse