Hooking Up With People Again Will Be A Step Closer For Folks In NSW As Of This Friday

Contributor: PEDESTRIAN

EDITOR’S NOTE: An earlier version of this story suggested that it’s cool for two strangers to fuck in NSW as of this Friday. Since its publication, Premier Gladys Berejiklian has issued a media statement that clarifies her earlier comments and shares the following advice: “It is important when visiting another household social distancing is maintained and extra hygiene precautions are taken.” In light of this, it seems that no – you can’t go to bonetown just yet. SORRY.

With NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian announcing this morning that social distancing restrictions in the state will be relaxed as of this coming Friday, the implications of the Premier’s specific wording are slowly becoming clear.

“From May 1, two adults will be able to go and visit anybody else in their home on the basis of care, on the basis of reducing social isolation and everybody’s mental health,” Berejiklian said.

“We know that for many people, they’ve been cooped up in their homes for a number of weeks, and with the exception of exercising, medical needs or buying what they need to or going to work, many people have been isolated in their homes. So please know that from Friday, two adults can go and visit anyone else.”

The immediate excitement of people finally being able to visit family and friends again was the obvious point to take from this morning’s announcement.However, there’s layers and subtext to that. And for those of you pent up to the absolute teeth with the horn, one of them is big.

With no restrictions on the amount of kilometres you can travel, and no need for the adults visiting one another to be related, the message is pretty clear: In New South Wales, from this Friday, you are one step closer to (very responsibly) pursue your various romantic interests.

This doesn’t mean you can jump straight into bonetown; it’s essentially a relaxing of the rules around visiting another person (which until now were classified as “only if providing care”). It also means the two-person rule doesn’t apply to households. Two adults can come over, regardless of how many people are already in your home. GREAT news for sharehouses, bad news if your roomies have weird mates who smell and you were secretly glad they couldn’t come round, anyway.

The government has also strongly stressed that social distancing is maintained, extra hygiene precautions are taken, and – if you can – meeting in an outdoor environment like a backyard or verandah.

“The last thing any of us want to see is a huge spike in cases,” Berejiklian said.The big takeaway here is that you can, at long last, go on an actual IRL date with that cutie you’ve been chatting to over Zoom, responsibly and safely, of course.

And because all that excitement of the possibilities and whathaveyou may now bring might cause a rush of blood to the heads, here’s where to save a few sheckles on sheaths this week if you’re keen to stock up in anticipation.

Woolworths, for example, is running a special on a 6-pack of Skyn Elite Condoms this week. One whole dollar off. You simply cannot beat that for savings.

For a couple of extra dollarydoos, Coles will fang you some slightly fancier LifeStyles Uber Thin Zero frangas, which I’m told are “straight walled,” have a “smooth surface,” and have been “100% electronically tested.”

If you’re feeling particularly confident about yourself, Big W is firing off a whopping 20-pack of Skyn Originals for $13.60, which is a whole $3.40 off the normal price.

And for those of you keen to sniff out the biggest bargain possible, Chemist’s Warehouse is where it’s at this week, with a box of 10 Durex Comfort XL dingbats going for just $3.24.

Whatever you wind up doing this weekend in New South Wales, make sure you’re doing it safely and responsibly. We’re all in this together, etc.