NSW Crim Who Nicked Santa’s Wallet Mid-Photoshoot 100% Getting Coal For Xmas

The morality of Santa has always been somewhat ambiguous. Unlike the Biblical figure Moses, at no point did Santa descend from a mountain with a list of concrete (if you’ll pardon the pun) rules carved into stone tablets. We were simply told that to receive gifts we must be “nice” and that we, at all costs, should avoid being “naughty“.

As Santa’s biggest fans tend to be on a reading level suited to books about caterpillars and how hungry they are, the moral framework posited by Santa is never interrogated with any particular intellectual rigour.

By what criteria do we determine if we have been naughty or nice? Is it an internal set of laws – that is to say, is it judged by whether we have acted correctly by the standards of our own moral understanding of the universe? Or is it an external set of laws – are we to be judged by Santa’s moral understanding of the universe?

Each comes with its own set of problems. An internal value system allows those whose own moral scruples are quite loose to achieve niceness despite committing acts that might be considered quite heinous by society at large. An external value system means that those whose moral understanding of the universe is constructed from a culture different to that of Santa’s could be unfairly punished due to their existing in a different cultural milieu, through no fault of their own.

And what of moral grey areas? We intuitively understand things like lying to be wrong, but what if the crime is lying to spare someone’s feelings? To what extent is the further impact of these potentially ‘naughty’ actions examined? Truly, there is no way of knowing, and to attempt to impose and enforce a universal moral framework seems impossible.

Regardless, this cunt that stole Santa’s wallet is 100% on the naughty list.

As The Goulbourn Post is reporting, a Santa (not the Santa, I’m sad to report) working at a business in Goulburn found that he had his wallet nicked during his shift, with police confirming to the paper that it is believed it was taken while he was doing photos. Was it some unscrupulous child with alarmingly light fingers? Was it an adult who was willing to get a photo sitting on Santa’s lap for the chance to have a go at his wallet? We have no idea.

All we know is: this motherfucker is getting himself some damn coal for Christmas.

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