We love the ocean in Australia, and for good reason: it’s gorgeous, it’s fun and, unlike your mate’s pool, it’s so big that the people pissing in it can’t really make an impact.
But we enter it at our own peril. Here more than probably anywhere else, the water is teeming with things whose every waking moment is dedicated to finding ways to either inflict pain on or murder you (and only you). Sharks, jellyfish, stingrays, blue ring octopuses, crocodiles, seagulls, seahorses, whales, people on jetskis – every single one of them wants you dead.
We know this, though, and we accept it. We enter the water with hope in our hearts that we won’t spot one of these nasty beasties, and, if we do spot one, that we exit the water with the same number of limbs that we started with.
As much as we might like to push it to the back of our minds, nature absolutely refuses to let us. “The beach is a great time,” you might think. “Oh really,” says nature, “here’s a fuckin’ photo of a fuckin’ crazy ass shark right fuckin’ next to do a dude having a great time, motherfucker.“
Behold:
Not sure what’s going on there? Computer, ENHANCE:
That’s a bloody shark barely a metre away from NSW man Chris Hassan‘s 10-year-old son. The photo was taken at the incredibly badass sounding Samurai Beach in Port Stephens yesterday. Hassan was a bit surprised to say the least:
“Up Northern for the late surf. Storm in background. I’m on the rocks taking photos of Eden. I see a big dark shape and about to call the small group in and Eden takes of on a left and smashes it to the beach. Just as he is taking off I see something out of the corner of my eye.“I keep shooting and after he finishes and starts paddling out I zoom in on the second photo and see he’s just done a backhand snap on an 8 foot Great White Sharks head. Call everyone in and show them the photo. Lucky he didn’t fall off. This photo is going straight to the pool room.”
In language you might be familiar with from snakes, Souther Cross University marine biologist Danny Bucher told the ABC the shark was probably more afraid of us than we are of him:
“From the look of it, it looks like it’s started to roll on its back as it has gone through the wave.“That would probably indicate that it’s trying to actually swim away from the approaching board.”
Old mate Chris said his son, Eden, is completely unfazed and even went for another surf today:
“You know Eden has gone for a surf today already, so we are not too worried about it — you just have to be aware.“You put your seatbelt on in the car and you don’t worry about a car accident; you just have to be aware.”
What a bloody legend.
CORRECTION: We would like to stress that all of Australia’s sea animals are not, in fact, out to kill you and (only you) every waking moment of their lives, that was some colourful hyperbole and they actually have lots of other stuff going on.
Source: ABC.
Photo: Facebook / Chris Hassan.
