It’s been a big week in the shark business. Just days after fisherman hauled up that thing called a Goblin Shark that, by the looks of it, is native to the River Styx, now it’s emerged that fisherman in Japan have somehow managed to haul up yet another abomination of biological design from deep within the ocean’s pitch black depths.
This thing, aptly named a Megamouth Shark, is an enormous tapered critter that, to be perfectly honest with y’all, kind of looks like a whale’s condom. Good luck getting THAT image out of your heads anytime soon.
The Megamouth Shark is an extremely slow moving deep water shark with soft teeth which they use to chase after and rake in a whole mess of plankton. But also they’re probably slow-moving fleshy submarines for an advanced alien race that’s slowly compiling a detailed map of the ocean floor in order to find its one great achilles heel and cripple the planet.
The Japanese took a somewhat different approach to that of the Goblin Shark captors. Instead of doing something rational like… oh, I don’t know… IMMEDIATELY BANISHING IT BACK FROM WHENCE IT CAME, they instead went the curveball route of holding a public autopsy.
That 1000 people attended.
I really, really hope an industrious sort spied the opportunity and brought fryers and a hot mess of potatoes and started cooking flake and chips as the autopsy progressed. Y’know, just doing their bit to help keep the marine pathologists work area clean and tidy.
Work smart, not hard, etc.
