If we could rewind to a time *before* Tinder – i.e. when we were half-virgins – the birds-and-bees talk would have been much more entertaining from the mouth of Neil DeGrasse Tyson, AKA everyone’s favourite pseudo-space dad.
The astrophysicist has talked a lot about the logistics space sex in the past, because SURPRISE SURPRISE it’s one of the most commonly-asked questions by
filthy animals fans of his Nat Geo show Star Talk, and US TODAY show host Matt Lauer is not above asking how sexy time works up there.
In no time at all, his interview with Tyson degrassed into the ins-and-outs of cosmic copulation (say it 10 times really fast, you can’t), admitting it’s – by nature of a specific set of challenges, that being zero gravity – a shitload kinkier than earth sex.
The “million mile high club”, Tyson confirms, requires “tools or an apparatus”.
He goes onto explain that foreplay is a logistic nightmare up *there*, because you’re likely to bounce right off your partner’s Private Ryans.
“You learn Newton’s Laws of Motion firsthand when that happens, because you hit and there’s a lot of recoiling. So if you’re weightless in space, yeah, you need a lot of straps and things to hold things down.”
Duly noted, Knower Of All Things.
File under: black hole bonking, zero-gravity gobbies, interstellar intercourse, mazzing on the moon, flight suit fellatio, touchdown on Uranus, galactic gangbang, constellation cunninglingus, cosmic coitus, asstronomy.
Watch the rest of Tyson’s Big Gang Bang Theory here:
HOUSTON, WE HAVE A HARD ON.