A Nude Fugitive Who Spent Days In A Croc-Infested Swamp Said He Got Lost From A Tones And I Gig

Back in January, two blokes on a fishing trip in Darwin came across a naked fugitive hiding in croc-infested mangroves. Now the fugitive’s court case has started, and it turns out the he told the fishermen that he was on his way to see *checks notes* Tones and I, for some reason.

Luke Voskerensky spent four days naked in the mangroves the Darwin Turf Club, living off snails and getting bitten by mozzies. He was covered in cuts and mud, and swollen all over.

When he was found, he used getting lost on the way to/from Tones and I’s New Year’s Eve gig as an alibi instead of telling the fishermen that he was actually wanted for assaulting his ex-girlfriend and removing an electronic tracking device.

The two blokes had no idea, and instead gave him a beer and a pair of shorts.

“I was going to go visit him in hospital and my partner’s a paramedic saying he’s in hospital with handcuffs on – two cops babysitting him. So we were like, oh maybe we’ll leave it,” Mr Faust said following the rescue,” one  of them told the Today Show at the time.

On Monday, Voskerensky’s lawyer argued that he should get a suspended sentence because of his “uncomfortable” four-day stay in the croc-infested mangroves getting absolutely devoured by mozzies.

While many would argue that his ordeal is more torturous than many jails, that doesn’t let him off the hook. The charges against him were pretty fkn serious.

The judge did concede that “four days in the mangroves being chewed on by sandflies would have been particularly uncomfortable,” however he ultimately reckoned it was just a case of “self-inflicted extra curial punishment through stupidity.”

It’s just one of those stories where you don’t know which detail is the wildest. The nudity? The snails? The crocs? The jury’s out, metaphorically speaking.

The case will continue on Friday, but for now, at least we know this bushwhacking fugitive stans a home-grown queen.