Melbourne’s biggest icons are resurfacing now the city is fully stretching back out after a lengthy stint indoors. First the beloved Carrot Man was spotted around several suburbs, then Brunswick Station’s Banana Man was back busking for change. And now, the city’s giant, truck-eating monster – the Montague St Bridge – has laid claim to another idiot victim.
We could barely believe the whispers to be true – had Monty struck again? The bridge with the unquenchable thirst for dumbass drivers with box trucks just a shave too tall for its concrete top lip had only been fed a mere month ago.
But yes, it is true: a four-wheeled box-headed bastard has gone toe to toe with Melbourne’s finest and most relentless bridge, and not come out the other side. Like, at all. That thing’s wedged in there harder than three beer coasters under a wobbly table leg down the pub.
Spotted by keen eyes on Twitter, who snapped photos as they went past the South Melbourne monster and saw the traffic backed up out the wazoo, the whispers were confirmed. Monty hath returned, and are not deserving of his unflinching power.
I bet you didn't realise there are *4* certainties in life
✅ S. Morrison monstrously screwing everything up
✅ Jerks in large vehicles trying to fit under me
— Montague St Bridge (@MontagueStBridg) April 22, 2021
Monty’s Thursday arvo feed was further confirmed by Victoria Traffic, who took all liberties to remind everyone that there’s about 400 signs leading up to the bastard bridge about how high his mouth is. It’s three metres! How do people not know this yet!
Right lane closed citybound on Montague Street, South Melbourne due to a truck stuck under the @MontagueStBridg. Emergency services are attending and one lane is open. Please be patient and obey the 26 nearby signs advising of the 3 metre clearance. #victraffic #knowyourclearance pic.twitter.com/6mk4mf0SNr
— VicTraffic (@VicTraffic) April 22, 2021
This new defeat of yet another humble but utterly stupid box truck has continued the Montague St Bridge’s undefeated streak as Melbourne’s heavyweight machine muncher, and we truly do not deserve such a blessing. He’s simply just stocking up on feeds before entering into hibernation for the winter, or the potential that it might be another lengthy stretch of dormancy before Monty is faced with another victim.
Like flies to a venus trap, like moths to a flame, like trucks to the Montague St Bridge.
So it goes.