We Regret To Inform You The Bitch Known As The Montague St Bridge Has Awoken Once Again

Melburnians might be enjoying the first early sights of Spring, but apparently one absolute goose has completely forgotten that September 1st doesn’t just mark the start of new leaves, it marks the official end of hibernation of our most feared and loathsome beast: Monty, the Montague St Bridge.

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At approximately 4:20 this afternoon (author’s note: blaze it), a truck errantly ran afoul of Monty’s newly refreshed esurience; foolishly dancing into the maw of the monster, drawn in by its haunting yet alluring tones.

Or, to put it another way: Monty’s hungry as shit and he’s not fucking around this season.

This brings to an end 139 days of tenuous peace for Melbourne drivers as Monty undertook an otherwise restful slumber throughout the winter months, having indulged in enough trucken flesh in autumn to sustain a peaceful slumber through the cold season.

But with the sun heating up and the blood in its cross beams beginning to boil, it was but a matter of time that Sir Monty the Fucked reared up and reminded those who dare venture near his South Melbourne lair just what in the hell they’re dealing with.

Police remain on the scene at South Melbourne dealing with what remains of the truck’s carcass, Monty’s signature calling card that serves as both a trophy and a warning klaxon.

With the days getting longer, now’s as good a time as any for a reminder: We’re entering feeding season, and that bloodthirsty bitch won’t stop at just an entree.

God help us all.