Oh, you thought this was over? You thought that just because it was Christmas Time that we’d all be able to flit about without a care in the world? You thought the looming break meant we’d be able to let our guards down for just a few precious days? Guess the fuck again, dumbass. The Montague St Bridge has made its list. It has checked it twice. And it has decided to take a fresh victim right on the cusp of the festive season. Chomp chomp, motherfuckers.
The latest unsuspecting goose to fly too close to the awful, bloody maw of the beast did so just a short time ago, wandering into the beast’s unholy embrace and coming off less than second best.
The Montague Street bridge claims its latest victim @9NewsMelb pic.twitter.com/ayQ6AJnWHH
— Andrew Lund (@andrew_lund) December 17, 2019
VicTraffic officials, tasked with gruesome task of keep a vigilant #MontyWatch have confirmed that, quite horrifyingly, the awful Bridge Monster has clamped down on its victim and refuses to yield, holding it steady in its jaws in a vile display of dominance, letting all within spitting distance know that the difference between being spared life and enduring a ghastly, mangled truck death is literally that thin.
Right lane closed citybound on Montague Street, Southbank, due to a truck stuck under the rail overpass. One lane remains open. Delays are building fast. Consider Clarendon Street. Allow extra time. #victraffic pic.twitter.com/ToA5zuGEOd
— VicTraffic (@VicTraffic) December 17, 2019
Perhaps the bridge is flexing its muscle ahead of the busiest time of the year. Perhaps it is screaming out for a sacrificial gift so that it may partake in its own kind of festive revelry. Perhaps a box truck such as this is a lovely glazed ham to him, and Monty is merely gathering stock for an almighty Christmas feast.
Whatever the reason, the bridge is up an about in this time of yule, and as far as today goes, the slay bells are ringin’.
Merry Christmas to all. And to all, an uneasy night.