Melbs Is Enduring Its Hottest November Day In 4 Years & There Is No Escape

Today is officially the first bullshit hot day of the season for Melbourne, and good ole’ Mr. Sun is definitely not piss-farting around with it.

The mercury in the Victorian capital had already hit a dry 26 degrees as the clock ticked over 8am earlier this morning, making for an unscheduled sweaty Monday morning commute for those people cramming themselves onto packed trams and trains like self-steaming sardines.

The Bureau of Meteorology is forecasting that the temperature in Melbourne, and right across the state, will continue to rise throughout the day, peaking at around 4pm with a predicted top of 38 degrees. This would make it the hottest November day in Melbourne since 2012.

The BoM is forecasting that the heat will persist throughout the day, ahead of a cool change that won’t arrive until well after the sun’s gone down.

The change will bring the chance of rain and a slight risk of thunderstorm activity across the state, before the temperature settles down to a forecast maximum of 19 tomorrow, because Melbourne weather is the hyperactive child fucked up on Wizz Fizz who can’t, for the life of it, manage to sit still for any longer than 10 seconds.

Want more bad news? If you’re a poor unfortunate soul who suffers from hayfever (like this particular sniffly writer very much is) you’re in for yet another shocker. Melbourne’s historically god-awful allergy season will continue to kick your arse today, thanks to high winds and a pollen count ranked as “extreme,” the third such sneezing apocalypse day in as many weeks.

So there it is, folks. Get ready to sweat and sneeze your way through the day, before the sky cruelly yanks this bare taste of summer away from us tomorrow, because weather patterns are callous arseholes who refuse to let anyone settle in to any sort of groove.

Tomorrow and for the rest of the week, it’s back to jeans and long-pants weather. But today?

This is fine.