Fitzroy locals dressed in their birthday suits and took part in the annual nude bike ride event today. Talk about some fkn meals on wheels.
I’m just gonna preface this story to say: look, if you were expecting to see some schlong here, I’m sorry to break it to you. I’m not allowed to show you the goods. You’ll have to search the dark wide web for that.
In a post in the Fitzroy Neighbour Network Facebook group, one passerby spotted the group of nude cyclists meeting up at Edinborough Gardens near the corner of Brunswick St North and St Georges Road in North Fitzroy at around 12pm.
Now, to quote one of my favourite Vines, reading this you probably can’t help think, “what the fuck, is this allowed? What the fuck, is that allowed?”
Well, yes, according to the event’s website. Officially called the World Naked Bike Ride, it’s a once-a-year clothing-optional event where cyclists nakedly banned together and ride as a free titty ensemble around the city. It’s held in Melbourne but the event is also held in roughly 70 other countries.
The basic goal of the nude cycle trip is rooted in sustainability, body positivity, and raising awareness of how vulnerable cyclists are to motorists who appear blind to their presence.
“Too many cyclists are killed or injured on our roads by car drivers who claim that they did not see the cyclists,” the group said on their website.
“We say to the car drivers, if we ride naked, can you see us now?”
Now, that’s all said and good but I can’t help thinking about the locals in the area who didn’t know it was national bareback on wheels day, walked out of a cafe after a nice brunch with a mate and saw a rock hard sweaty peen. But maybe that’s part of the whole shtick here.
“We ride regardless of weather; hot or cold, wind or rain, the ride will still happen,” they say.
“This is Melbourne, we should be used to the variations of weather. You only get this one day in the year to ride in World Naked Bike Ride Melbourne, don’t miss it.
“It is only due to the most extreme weather conditions which we determine to be unsafe (such as severe electrical storm or flooding), or due to Coronavirus restrictions, which would cause the ride to be postponed or cancelled.”
After a cheeky cycle, the group of cycling nudists stopped at the Queensberry Hotel in Calton for a pint (or should I say peent). In a pic shared on the group’s Insta page, you can see nothing but guys and gals (but mostly blokes) enjoying each other’s company, the sun and a nice fresh cold one next to their alleged warm ones.
Look at them: Not. A. Phone. In. Sight.
Hmm, I wonder if the Fitzroy Banana made a surprise cameo, too?
No shade to these fine hes, shes and theys but I’d hate to be the cleaner scheduled for tonight’s shift at that pub. The last thing I’d want to do on a Sunday arvo after picking up ciggies off the floor and cleaning up a bit of senseless puke in the corner is spraying Cleanex on some butt-sweat-soaked benches.
Anyway, happy nude cycle day besties xoxo.
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