Spare a prayer for Melania and Barron Trump, who regardless of being the Cheeto in Charge‘s closest family are apparently about as keen to move in with him as I am to take Daisy Cousens on a girls’ trip to libertarian theme park Ayn Rand-land

Mel and Baz have famously been hanging out in Trump Palace Tower in New York at a cost of approximately one bajillion taxpayer dollars, so that wee Barry Boy could finish out the school year at his exclusive Manhattan Academy for Little Lords [Ed.’s note: not a real establishment]

But woe is him, and his mum, because the American school year has ended, and now they’ve been spirited back to the White House to hang out with Pater Dearest. Are they chuffed? 

No. Not even a ride in the Presidential chopper could put a smile on their faces, so you know something’s really wrong.

(A moment to appreciate the extreme truth of the following statement:


Melania is clearly trying to put on a brave face, tweeting this singularly gloomy pic from the interior of the Official Residence, which has apparently transformed into a Gothic castle that I assume curses anyone who sets foot in its darkened halls:

Sure you are, Melania – those wistful memories of feeling the sun on your skin, hearing the wind in the trees, and not having monstrous bat wings sprouting from your back.

Image: Getty.