Is Meghan Markle’s Dad Gonna Go To The Royal Wedding Or Nah? An Investigation

On the off chance you’ve been living under a royally large rock, you mightn’t be aware that a Royal Wedding is happening this Saturday.

(Or, mightn’t know because you’ve actively chosen to ignore what is admittedly a stuffy, antiquated tradition, or you have a blackened husk for a heart.)

The impending union is between 33-year-old ginge Prince Harry and 37-year-old retired American actress Meghan Markle.

In days yonder, the weeks leading up to such monumental royal occasions are usually quiet. Traditionally, the palace is busy ferreting away, piping praline into truffles and arranging finger sandwiches. But not this time around.

Unfortunately for Meghan, her father Thomas Markle has been overshadowing proceedings by getting caught up in what some would describe as a Fergie-toe-sucking level scandal.

According to the investigative bureau over at the Daily Mail, evidence has surfaced that suggests Mr Markle has been staging paparazzi shots and selling them to the papers to the tune of $180,000AUD.

Let’s backtrack.

A couple of months ago, pap shots emerged of Mr Markle reading up on the history of England in his local Starbucks via hardback book entitled ‘Images Of Britain‘. The internet went wild for what seemed like a pure, innocent gesture of interest in his future son-in-law’s homeland.

Over the following months, more and more photos of Mr Markle doing adorably fuddy duddy things popped up.

Next, he was spotted in an internet cafe Googling images of Meghan and Harry. Never mind that the computer screen was expertly tilted directly towards the photographer… it was cuuuute!

Most recently, snaps of Mr Markle getting measured for his royal suit by what appeared to be a 12-year-old tailor, in broad daylight, came into existence.

What some publications failed to notice was that he was wearing the same outfit in every shot, suggesting these elaborate photoshoots all happened on the same day. (He’s literally better at farming content than an Instagram model on vacay in Fiji.)

The cherry atop this shame-filled pie? Kensington Palace only recently sent letters to newspaper editors requesting that Mr Markle and his family be given privacy.

In light of this big mess, there have been conflicting reports on whether or not Thomas Markle will attend the royal nuptials; let alone walk his daughter down the aisle.

First up, Kensington Palace came out in support of Mr Markle. The Telegraph’s royal correspondent, via a source, has shared that they’d “continue to make interventions with the media out of concern for his safety and security.

Then yesterday, TMZ reported that he would not be attending as he “does not want to cause the Royal Family and his daughter”.

Then yesterday again, TMZ had another chat to Mr Markle:

Thomas says he’s thought about it and now believes what he did with the photos was not a serious transgression, although he calls it “stupid.” He says he now wants to make the trek to England, telling us, “I hate the idea of missing one of the greatest moments in history and walking my daughter down the aisle.”

He’s backflipping more dextrously than Simone Biles on speed, for Christ’s sake!

It’s all very confusing, but from what we can gather, the latest (again, from TMZ, they’re so good so bad) is that Mr Markle won’t be attending the wedding because he’s undergoing heart surgery. Today.

He told the gossip rag he’ll be going into surgery at 7:30AM Wednesday (Mexico time), so in about 12 hours.

It comes just days after Mr Markle allegedly had a heart attack, which TMZ espouses was triggered by the open letter his son Thomas Jr. wrote to Prince Harry discouraging him from marrying Meghan.

TLDR; it’s look an awful lot like Thomas Markle won’t be there for the big day. But who knows. He might have a change of heart. Stranger things have happened.