It’s a universal truth that insanely rich people have the worst taste in everything. Everything they like is inordinately expensive and aesthetically fucked. You walk through the gaudy double doors of a billionaire’s house and you’re guaranteed to see a grand sculpture dominating the room that costs more than Libya’s GDP and absolutely sucks ass. It’s inexcusable, the shit they like and spend money on. And it’s an entirely admirable scam in the sense that someone figured out rich people will sink untold fortunes on any old shit provided it smells like sandalwood and carries a price tag equivalent to the military’s funding. To that end, there is no earthly reason – with the ball-achingly large bank account that he has – for Mark Zuckerberg to be swanning about rocking hair that looks like a sucked-out mango.
[jwplayer lJiqVmej]
Zuckerberg’s bullshit mop has drawn bulk heat online following his appearance before US Congress where he got absolutely fucken grilled over the various world-ruining transgressions Facebook has committed (please do not limit our page’s reach again Zucc you gross bitch).
Behold, the scorn of the online.
No matter how bad you are at your job, Zuckerberg’s hair stylist is worse. Can I get some croutons w/ that Caesar? pic.twitter.com/1EfjQlCIu4
— Thom Fuhrmann (@6633north) October 25, 2019
My theory is that Zuckerberg doesn’t get haircuts, he just retracts his hair back into his skull pic.twitter.com/e1qJX87keW
— Ken Klippenstein (@kenklippenstein) October 24, 2019
AOC: I have some questions about the robot that cuts your hair…
Zuckerberg: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HAIRBOT! He’s my friend, and he’s good at cutting hair!!!
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) October 23, 2019
Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg testifies before the Hair Crimes Tribunal. pic.twitter.com/J5CoUclzAf
— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) October 23, 2019
https://twitter.com/wiscosrealkelso/status/1187017930996961280
https://twitter.com/xLiserx/status/1187196933527523328
https://twitter.com/VULCANDROlD/status/1187508987106938880
https://twitter.com/VanessaIfeoma/status/1187310380470681600
Mark Zuckerberg is worth somewhere in the vicinity of US$69 billion (nice?). It’s insane that he just willingly parades about with that Lloyd Christmas-ass head. Just Cuts coupon day-ass, tea saucer cut-ass, shaves-it-in-himself-while-crywanking-in-the-shower-ass head. Filthy fucking disgusting flopsweat shit.
Reportedly Zuckerberg prefers to keep his bangs resting three-quarters of the way to his ankles because he has a lifelong affinity for the Roman Emperor Augustus Caesar, which makes sense that he’d idolise a nepotistic dork who couldn’t fuck right and was belted by ringworm.
Mark Zuckerberg’s hair looks like he has to strap it on to keep it in place.
Mark Zuckerberg’s hair looks like he fell scalp-first into a vat of dry ice at the age of 4 and it hasn’t grown since.
Mark Zuckerberg’s hair looks like the half-tongued shell of a Malteser that Claire Saffitz from Bon Appetit would spend 10 hours breaking herself to temper and recreate.
He’s too rich to look that shit. Go to the fucking barber, man.
