Big Fucken Numbnuts Mark Latham Will Return To Politics Via The LibDems

Former Labor leader and brain-poisoned lunatic Mark Latham is reportedly on the verge of the least-asked-for political comeback of all time, according to reports this afternoon.

In a chaotic day for Australia’s shambolic minor party politics, Latham is now seemingly set to accept an invitation from the Liberal Democrat party to stand at either the next state or federal election.

Reports published by NewsCorp confirmed via Senator David Leyonhjelm that the LibDems national executive is in “deep discussions” with Latham, with the party declaring their intention to run Latham as a candidate at the next state or federal election.

Latham’s political future was the subject of much rumour and conjecture throughout the day, with strong speculation emerging that Pauline Hanson had approached Latham to join One Nation; a story that Latham neither confirmed nor denied when asked earlier today.

Latham’s prior political career began in 1994 as the elected federal member for Werriwa in Western Sydney, which culminated in his elevation to Labor and opposition leader in 2003. He resigned from the role, and from Parliament altogether, in 2005.

Since then he took up positions at both the Australian Financial Review and Sky News, both of which he was forced out from over a number of deeply weird and cooked incidents in which he questioned the sexuality of a student and infamously utilised a semi-anonymous Twitter handle to repeatedly harass prominent women in Australia’s political and media industries.

He has repeatedly used various internet forums to target POC reporters, resulting in defamation law suits, and co-authored a phenomenally weird cook book with Alan Jones that managed to sell fuck all copies.

It seems appropriate, then, that the Liberal Democrats are his new home; a party somehow more utterly clueless and batshit insane than himself with all the political bite of a smooth turd. A safe political space for Latham to finally directly represent his core demographic of lunatic Family Court Dads, 34-year-old virgins named “Kade,” and anti-PC campaigners incensed at not being able to freely use the word “poofter.”

Add to that, a perfect bed-fellow in Leyonhjelm, a man whose greatest political accomplishment thus far has been the importation of one single shotgun, and a man whose entire career and platform is built on seeking deliberate annoyance and provocation, not at all unlike the common gnat.

Where Latham ends up – be it state or federal politics – is anyone’s guess at this stage. But one thing’s for certain: If you’re a cab driver, be nervous.