Mardi Gras versus Antiques Roadshow

Since the year 2000, the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras parade has fallen on the first weekend of March, without fail. Likewise, so has the after- party at the Hordern Pavillion. As the name implies, the “after” party, naturally follows the parade, and normally has around 27,000 attendees. This year’s parade, although held a weekend earlier, was no less epic in its proportions.

There were hundreds of thousands of spectators, 10, 000 participants, 135 floats, 17, 000 sets of false eyelashes, (the dykes prefer to go without), 7, 000 g-strings, 4 billion sequins, and a couple of pairs of arse-less chaps for the veterans.

Police, event organisers and stakeholders spent months preparing for the event. But in all the “hoo-ha”, “yee-ha” and “uhuh” of waxing, spray tanning, embellishing, crimping and more waxing, someone forgot to book the after party venue.

By the time the oversight had been realised, the Hordern Pavillion had already been reserved on the relevant weekend by, of all things, The Antiques Roadshow. This may not have been intentional, (I highly doubt it was), but the Antiques Roadshow certainly would’ve thought they hit the jackpot with their timing. Sure they’re bound to get an audience in the gay capital of the world, but on no other weekend than Mardi Gras, are there so many vintage-loving, antique inheriting gays running around. Cant you imagine the stampede?

But no.

The Antiques Roadshow have officially pulled off the ‘no you di’nt’ stunt of the century, and slotted themselves into the gay calender at the WORST POSSIBLE TIME. I’m certain that plastic surgery and sweat-gland operations permitting, the city of Sydney is literally full, of shocked, schvitzing, drag queens. All of whom have expressed concerns on forums like SameSame and Pinkboard.

They speak of organisers killing the “vibe” of the party. I’m thinking their fretting is based on a fear of 7th day stubble and make-up clogged pores. Oh, and what about all the international and interstate visitors? Virgin does have some great offers, but two trips to Sydney in one week is a little extravagant.

Don’t even start me on Molly Meldrum, we’re lucky he was standing for the 2hour broadcast let alone a 7 day carnival.

Anyway, besides poor-planning and prioritising, we wanted to consider other reasons why the “after party” is now the “one week after party”.

1. The most common answer is that Mardi Gras organisers are thinking of this year’s festivities as part of a week long event, making things more diverse; culiminating in a ‘closing ceremony’ of sorts. I suppose it’s like the Winter Olympics, but with less makeup, more ‘snow’, and ‘different’ kinds or performance- enhancing drugs. (At this point I could probably say that even though the party is a week later, it certainly wont ‘flop’.)

2. Perhaps, with a 7 day bender, the gay population are merely proving that they can party waaaaay harder than heteros. TimeOut Magazine were on-point when they described Mardi Gras as an event that “bends every other party over and shows them how it’s done”.

3. They booked the street on the wrong night? Booking a street is no easy task. I can’t even book a taxi.

4. Bad navigaytion.

5. Their ten-year booking on the Hordern expired.

6. They were taking this years theme, the History of the World seriously, and re-enacting the seven days of creation, culminating into the 7th day, ”wow, look what I’ve done, lets celebrate anyway” scenario.

No matter what the reason may be, there are a few things that are certain. No amount of bitching and complaining will stop 28,000 people from attending the after party. So, essentially, I just wasted a good hour of my life on this article, time that could have been spent plucking my eyebrow regrowth that’s already sprouted since pre-parade Saturday morning.

You never can be too prepared, but with one week to get ready, maybe you can.