Magpie Swooping Season Is Officially Back In Full Force & God Save Us All

I don’t mean to alarm you but MAPIE SWOOPING SEASON HAS COMMENCED. OFFICIALLY.

Reports of increased magpie swooping attacks are sweeping across the nation. It’s an epidemic.

Now, I understand that one should ‘love thy animal’, but do not fucking come for my head.

[jwplayer Q5yaFDaO]

Twitter is slowly become a magpie survival site, featuring flicks of people and their near-death experiences with the winged murderers. In the words of Kourtney Kardashian, and not taken out of context at all, ‘Kim, there’s people that are dying’.

https://twitter.com/JockSerong/status/1037191583807021057

If you live in New South Wales, and would like to increase your paranoia, check out this interactive “Swooping Magpie Attack Map” MagpieAlert.com, which records the daily attacks on innocent civilians.

According to MagpieAlert.com, “is important to try to stay calm, if you panic and flap then this is more likely to appear as aggressive behaviour and provoke a further attack”. But NO. I refuse to remain calm.

I will now stay inside until this treacherous season is behind us. Yelp.

Image: Twitter @ShaunRRogers

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