The Liberal Party is holding a fundraiser for the next election and the prizes include – we shit you not – a surfing lesson and lunch with former PM Tony Abbott, as well as morning tea with Alan Jones.
The raffle is being held to drum up support – and cash – to win back Abbott’s old seat of Warringah, which he famously lost when Olympian-turned-independent candidate Zali Steggall thwomped him on polling day by simply saying that climate change is a real and pressing issue.
Tickets for the raffle start at $50 each, with five for $100 and 12 for $200. That gives you the chance to win the surfing lesson with Tones, valued at $2,500, apparently, and the Alan Jones playdate, which is valued at a whopping $3,000.
“More than a dozen amazing prizes to be won in support of the campaign to win back the federal seat of Warringah,” a Liberal Party flyer for the raffle reads.
Helping round out that dozen are a couple of dinners at posh Sydney establishments like the Pullman Quay Grand Hotel, XOPP at Darling Square, Alfredo’s Restaurant in the CBD and one of the Navarra venues, which include Le Montage and Curzon Hall.
None of these establishments are actually in the electorate of Warringah, although to be fair there’s also the chance to win a sparkling high tea at Gunner’s Barracks in Mosman.
There are also more political playdates to be won, like a day at the rugby with federal MP Jason Falinski, beer tasting with local state MP James Griffin or a tour of Taronga Zoo with state Environment Minister Matt Kean and local state MP Felicity Wilson.
Oh, and that aforementioned dinner for eight at XOPP will be crashed by Senator Andrew Bragg, apparently.
If you’re worried that you might miss out on the chance to scoff sandwiches with Alan Jones, never fear.
A note on the flyer reads: “Interested in a particular prize, but not keen to leave it to chance? We may be able to duplicate the prize for those interested in making a private bid.”
If you just want to enter the raffle for your chance to dack Tony Abbott (at lunch, not at the beach), you can do so here.
Looking at the other, more normal prizes donated, it seems like the Liberal Party’s play to claw back Warringah is being backed by hospo industry peak bodies (for bosses, not workers) the Restaurant & Catering Industry Association and the Australian Hotels Association NSW.
The dudes behind Navarra Venues and the Fleming Yachts Australia dealership are also mentioned.
Perhaps the one silver lining from this most cursed of raffles is that this particular electoral play is aiming to get a so-called “moderate Liberal” into the seat.
While that ostensibly means they’ll actually support action on climate change, keep in mind the Prime Minister himself Scott Morrison probably won’t be persuaded away from his course of inaction by a lone newcomer MP.
The raffle will be drawn next year on February 24. We’ll be clenching with anticipation until then.