25 days of teasing for absolutely pissing nothing.
Though scores of you will no doubt howl things along the lines of “how is this news,” or “stop making stupid people famous,” or “another Kardashian post Pedestrian WTF this is the last straw unsubscribed” without any understanding of how digital media website traffic actually works, scores more will thunderously agree with me when I say that Kim Kardashian not including Kylie Jenner in her Christmas photo is some unrepentant A-grade horse shit.
Throughout December Kim Kardashian’s Instagram page has been drip-feeding teaser images of a Christmas photo shoot featuring what appears to be virtually her whole family.
The whole gang’s been featured. Even Kanye West. The whole shebang. Every single one of ’em.
Except Kylie Jenner.
Kylie’s absence from the photo series lead many to believe her reveal would be the main event of Kim’s December 25th post – the last one in the promised Christmas series – and that her reveal would also confirm what we’ve long-suspected: That she is for shiz up the spout. She’s carrying sprog. She is with childe.
Pregnant AF, basically.
So we all waited with baited breath for what surely was going to be the big reveal, only to be confronted with this shit.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BdJVe3ulj5F/
What the christ is that? Where the freaken hell is Kylie? What the deuce is going on here?
For fans online, the curiosity of it all is only matched by the pure, unhinged, blind rage.
Me, a normal person: I’m not super into the Kardashian family, they’re just celebrities
Me when Kim posts the day 25 pic with no Kylie in sight: pic.twitter.com/UMsriw6AJq— tanner 🔪🪰 (@tanner_ala) December 26, 2017
https://twitter.com/hamiidilo/status/945457798061740032
https://twitter.com/pettyreligion/status/945456980122066946
Everybody : Day 25 they are going to show Kylie Pregnant
Day 25: No Kylie
Kim Kardashian while she posts it : pic.twitter.com/wwZCrDpvUf
— Christian🏝️ (@QuietStrom_) December 26, 2017
Is kylie in the tree
— James Harness (@JamesHarness) December 26, 2017
kimberly where is pregnant kylie? don’t play. pic.twitter.com/TJ9WOFf1RH
— َ (@saintvirgo) December 26, 2017
Lmao I burned so many calories jumping to conclusions of how Kylie was gonna be in the card. pic.twitter.com/nx864joEJX
— kelsey (@kelsssmiller) December 26, 2017
IS KYLIE JENNER PREGNANT YES OR NO pic.twitter.com/J9bYOl0c7P
— 🐳 (@silvervss) December 26, 2017
Me trying to look for Kylie like pic.twitter.com/uQrueRr0Cf
— hallie (@godlygws) December 26, 2017
This what I waited 25 days for ? pic.twitter.com/9uks5diLD9
— lauryn simone (@httplxuryn) December 26, 2017
Unbelievable conduct. Truly shocking.
So where does this leave the theories? There’s a chance Kylie takes the inevitable pregnancy announcement for herself and reveals it on her own Instagram at some point in the not-too-distant future. That’s always on the cards.
‘Course today’s post does nothing to dispel the most sensible and sane theory.
https://twitter.com/levijedmuxphy/status/945034751110467585
I conclude this article by declaring that it took me multiple years to study for, and earn, two separate writing degrees at University.
Someone is paying me entirely decent money to write this article.
My office today is a comfortable recliner with the Ashes on in the background.
I have absolutely zero regrets.
