The World Is Utterly Mesmerised By This Heaving Aussie Cow Named “Knickers”

No two ways about it, folks. This is a big cow. It is an unfathomably large bovine. The boy: He big.

A while back the story broke about a cow (which for the pedants among you is, yes, a steer, but for the purposes of fun we’re calling it a cow in this article) in Western Australia by the charmingly grotty name of Knickers, who was notable purely because of the absolute size of the lad.

Fucken christ would you look at the heft on the boy. The sheer mass on it. The thumping great chonk. Unbelievable.

Knickers, a Holstein Friesian cow, stands 194cm tall and weighs in a rather impressive 1,400kgs, making him quite easily the biggest boi you know.

Knickers is so large, in fact, that he simply cannot be killed. His enormous size renders him far too large for any abattoir, and thus he has been sent back to the pastures of owner Geoff Pearson‘s farm to calmly live out the rest of his days as the monolithic overlord of the rest of the cow herd.

And if there’s one thing the internet likes, it’s an extremely lardge lad.

Despite ABC News breaking the story three weeks ago, inexplicably the rest of the world has caught on this morning, largely thanks to breakfast TV and commercial news stations running the story yesterday.

And thus, social media has a new god, king, and hero.

Knickers. The big cow.

We simply cannot stress this enough, dear friends: The cow is huge, massive actually, and his name is Knickers.

In this miserable, work-a-day world, this is the kinda news that should get your ass outta bed in the morning.

The cow.

It’s big.