It’s safe to say that no reasonable person has wondered what former Prime Minister and prominent eyebrow enthusiast John Howard thinks about squirting. It would be better for all of us to imagine him as a sexless anthropomorphic bald spot, instead of as an actual sexual human being, but I guess this bubble had to be burst some day.
As part of the proceedings of wildcard Liberal Democrat Senator David Leyonhjelm‘s broad-to-the-point-of-vague Nanny State Inquiry, a spokesperson for the porn industry has blamed Australia‘s strict X-rated video laws on John Howard’s distaste for water sports and female ejaculation.
As the Eros Association‘s Joel Murray told Crikey:
“Some fetishes used to be allowed within the X classification, and it is my understanding that under John Howard as prime minister, the X classification was restricted in particular because the prime minister was deeply offended by the idea of water sports and female ejaculation. In fact he claims that female ejaculation was not a true thing.”
Twitter, as always, has responded wonderfully, with a bunch of people unsurprisingly coming to the same sympathetic conclusion about his wife, Janette:
— Brodarius Hamm (@fakeedbutler) April 26, 2016
— Casey Briggs (@CaseyBriggs) April 26, 2016
— KELLY BLACK (@KellypBlack) April 26, 2016
Please enjoy these fresh takes from hilarious jokers who literally sit around all day waiting to see hear what ex-politicians think about lady jizz:
JOHN HOWARD: We will decide what liquids come from a woman and the manner in which they are released
— colley (@JamColley) April 26, 2016
lets be fair, john howard’s face absolutely screams ‘has strong opinions re: the existence of female ejaculation’
— j.r. hennessy (@jrhennessy) April 26, 2016
Staffer: Mr Howard you trended on Twitter today.
Howard: Really what for?
Staffer *shows phone* pic.twitter.com/Yv2p62138m
— Mark Di Stefano (@MarkDiStef) April 26, 2016
why would they restrict female ejaculation if howard doesn’t even believe it exists.
— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) April 26, 2016
Oh and just in case you were wondering (you weren’t, no one was), Leyonhjelm himself has weighed in on the debate, with some mental images that will haunt you until death finally grants you sweet release:
@MarkDiStef Not only do I believe in it, I’ve seen it on the internet 🙂
— David Leyonhjelm (@DavidLeyonhjelm) April 26, 2016