I don’t mean to alarm anybody, but Jared Leto has lost his head.
No, not his real head, but that replica one he carried around at this year’s Met Gala. It’s gone. Probably stolen, so if everybody could have a quick squiz around the office to make sure Sharon in HR doesn’t have a severed Jared Leto head on her desk, that’d be great.
[jwplayer 3iyBDCUZ]
In a recently GQ interview, Thirty Seconds To Mars vocalist-turned-Joker-turned-cult leader revealed that he has no idea where the fuck the head is, and even offered free Gucci to anyone who can return it.
“Honestly, I have no idea. I think someone may have stolen it,” he said. “If anyone out there finds it, bring it into your nearest Gucci store in exchange for a pair of dirty sneakers.”
I feel like you should probably take better care of your own severed head, but I’ll let this one slide because he’s been a little preoccupied running Mars Island, which he has confirmed is a cult.
“Mars Island is a three night, all inclusive festival experience. Relax and restore with yoga amongst the trees, take a dip in the pool, catch a midnight screening or gaze at the stars, and catch two intimate performances with Thirty Seconds To Mars. Mars Island is an experience like no other. All passes include accommodation, meals, snacks, performances, and activities.”
Heck, with all the weird shit Jared has done since This Is War, I wouldn’t be surprised if his actual head was made of wax and somebody has made off with his real flesh and bone.
So, if you happen to be walking to the train tonight and stumbled across a long-haired severed head, don’t freak out (well, probably do freak out) because it’s likely just Jared Leto’s. And if you return it, you can walk away in some good karma and maybe some free Gucci from the gang. Honestly, I think keeping this thing in your house would give you a lifetime of bad luck. Give it back, for your own safety.
I’m not quite sure how someone would be able to steal it. This is a full-sized head, which means it probably wouldn’t just slip into your Met Gala clutch. Also, you’re at the fucking Met Gala, so I’m sure security would be on high alert for anyone walking around looking suspicious and carrying Jared Leto’s head.
I’m no detective, but I’m fairly certain the thief must’ve attended this year’s Met Gala, so I call for a search of all guests until we catch the culprit head-handed. The guest list included everyone from Jennifer Lopez and Rihanna to Jeff Bezos and the Kardashian/Jenner family.
According to The Cut, the severed head costs approximately $11,000USD (around $16,300AUD) to make, so if you find it, you could probably sell it for some solid dosh (and maybe a lifetime of bad karma).
Honestly, my life goal is to be rich and weird enough to get a replica of my own head, then not give a single shit if it gets stolen.
