Is It Possible To Defend Street Harassment?

‘The Cumulative Effect of Street Harassment’ talks to that: “I’m pretty sure you [referring to a male interviewer] have witnessed it, but you may not have recognised it as street harassment. We have been socialised to believe that interactions between men and women are about men being predators and women being prey. We’re so used to seeing these dynamics where a man is approaching a woman, and is being somewhat insistent about it, and we see women kind of smiling.”

And why are comments basically always about looks? Because that’s all you know about a stranger, what they look like. As much as it would be a welcome change if you were there yelling ‘dammmmmn, what a fertile mind and kind spirit you have’ it would seem disingenuous. That whole vibe of constantly having your looks assessed and commented on since birth is finally starting to change for women, which is a great thing for everyone because it does not make for happy and/or healthy individuals to spend so much time considering their own appearance. 

When considering ‘complimenting’ people (usually women people) that you don’t know, treat yo’self to this quick questionnaire:

Why do you absolutely need to express that opinion, even knowing that it might make her uncomfortable?

Why is it her responsibility to deal with that potential discomfort or “get over it,” but not your responsibility to keep your opinions to yourself unless they are relevant or solicited?

And, most importantly – if complimenting people matters so much to you, why not compliment a female friend who knows and trusts you? Hell, why not compliment another man?”


via ‘Why You Shouldn’t Tell That Random Girl On The Street That She’s Hot’

Would you? Really and truly?

People were giving shit to a commenter on our FB who copied a comment from the Buzzfeed story about it, which asked men to consider it from a different angle:

The analogy is not perfect – are they ever? – especially considering a lot of gay men or men who ‘look feminine’ get frequently harassed by ‘straight’ men (which is a whole other article best left to someone more knowledgeable than I)((Enter: Michael Kimmel)) but it reminded me of a great article on public bathroom’s (what a wild and unexpected leap of topic!). ‘The Private Lives of Public Bathrooms’ spoke to the idea that in public bathrooms are single-sex spaces that reinforce gender separation and difference. Studies showed that women were generally relaxed about using them and felt safe upon entering. That old joke that women go to bathroom’s together – well, why the hell not, it’s a space where we can talk to other females in the line, retouch, host popular television segments from et cetera.

In the article Professor Moore, a senior lecturer at the Royal Holloway University of London’s Centre for Criminology and Sociology said of single sex bathrooms: “This shines a light on what it means for men and women to be exclusively in the company of their own sex. For women this is often liberating; for men it’s often anxiety-inducing.”

The article continues: “Men, on the other hand, were on edge. Moore goes so far in the study as to say that for men, public toilets are ‘nightmarish spaces.’ The anxiety they reported was centered around ‘watching’—being watched by other men, or being perceived to be watching other men—and that this watching was linked to the possibility of sexual violence.

The theory Moore lays out is that, in public, the gender hierarchy makes women the ones who are watched (under the ‘male gaze,’ as it were). But in the bathroom, sans women, men worry about being the object of another man’s gaze, a feeling they don’t often confront in other places. This can make them fearful, even if there’s no real threat present.

And from this anxiety is born the famous urinal rule.” 

Homophobia: the fear that gay men will treat you the way you treat women.

— Coyote Too (@coyotetoo) December 6, 2011

‘If guys don’t talk to women on the street they’d never meet any.’

A quick poll of people within communicating distance shows that romantic/sexual relationships rarely begin with a ‘heeeeeeeey beautiful.’ The human race is fursure not going to die out if you don’t say ‘heeeeeey beautiful’ and, if anything, we’re suffering pretty hefty overpopulation (we’re currently adding one billion people to the planet every 12 years) and could well afford to have a few more men not so wholly consumed with getting their dick wet.

At this point it’s worth noting that for the most part, it’s more than obvious that men who holla at women are hoping for the latter. Even if they haven’t quite worked out the logistics of what happens post-catcall.

We all know there’s an ulterior motive. What are we all, if not meat sacks drawn towards fucking things (except for chill asexuals) and making babies to create a squishy new thing in our own image?

We all get it, but we also all read the news and statistically most women have had experiences in the past that were on the negative end of the spectrum, so the compliments don’t come across that way. 

For the most part the whole thing is annoying for women and dejecting for men. Say you’re a gal, you’re in public minding your own business thinking about stuff (maybe your boyfriend/girlfriend, maybe what you’re going to torrent later – maybe you just found out your dad has cancer). Either way, you are in the zone, just you and your brain. Then some dude wants to Step Up 2: The Streets. He wants you to acknowledge whatever it is he has decided he wants to say to you. You’re either into it or you need to find a way to deflect. Depending on your mood, recent similar experiences, tolerance to strangers, your personality, your fears this will range from polite to firm. He may be bummed but it’s over and you both move on with your life. Where was the positive in all that, though? If we all know cold calling is a dud sales technique why does this sound viable? How many women enjoy this approach and how can anyone tell which do? It’s not easy and so, how many ladies are you willing to piss off before you find one who is into it?

Ah, that old chestnut: That men are simply following their nuts when they’re looking at chests. 

Obviously some people genuinely cannot read social cues and they’re going to harder to get through to, but if someone is willing to listen Alyx Gorman wrote a great article on ‘How To Talk To Women On The Street’ a while back. Creeps are not born, they’re made.