In Memoriam: MySpace Sold For Just $35 Million

Today it was announced that MySpace has been sold to an advertising conglomerate for $35 million, a paltry figure considering the role MySpace played in pioneering the whole digital phenomenon. In 2005 when Facebook was just a fledgling blip on the www radar, News Corp bought MySpace for $580 million. That was a mere six years ago.

Back then, MySpace was the leading platform for information sharing – particularly for indie musicians around the world and semi-nude alt females. And just for the sake of context, that was the year Kanye West released “Gold Digger”. Not that long ago at all, right?

But it’s amazing how much can change in a short amount of time.

I was an active MySpace user for a few years – mostly to find music and (as a friend purported when discussing today’s death knell announcement) I “have feeling it was probably to stalk people I had a crush on”. I’d wager a lot of you shared those motives. I’d also wager that the last time you updated your profile was around 2007 (just before Facebook went apeshit) so the information posted there is wildly outdated – kind of like an internet-preserved time capsule of the person you were three years ago.

Earlier today I revisited my MySpace profile, a move that in hindsight gave me a rather humiliating brush with nostalgia. The content (last updated in 2008) is so cringey and horrifically MySpacey that, despite my plans to post it in this article in memoriam if you will, i just can’t actually do it. Here’s just one tiny excerpt from the grotesque ‘About Me’ section: “I like to write jingles and play them on my CTK-800 Casio keyboard.”

*Punches self in face*

Now that I’ve wiped the vomit from my mouth I’ve decided that revisiting the past is ultimately a positive thing. Friends, I implore you to log in to your MySpace account (if it’s still active) and observe how you’ve evolved over the last 3-5 years.

The evolution of MySpace from this point is unclear. Justin Timberlake is now one of the stakeholders in the network. He released a statement today saying: “There’s a need for a place where fans can go to interact with their favorite entertainers, listen to music, watch videos, share and discover cool stuff and just connect. MySpace has the potential to be that place.”

Hmm. Even someone with the profile and cache of a Justin freaking Timberlake is unlikely to be able to keep the sinking MySpace ship afloat.

This really is the official MySpace death knell.

Feel free to reminisce about your MySpace memories/profiles in the comments section.