Who would’ve thought in the age of ever-shortening video limits that Slow TV would rule as hard as it does? Give me a 10-hour video of a train travelling from Luxembourg to Gdańsk any god damn day of the week. Hell, there’s a dive bar in the Melbourne CBD that projects that shit onto the wall and it’s the most relaxing goddamned thing ever. I love it. I love it so much. So when a press release from IKEA Australia lands in your inbox promoting the release of a Slow TV YouTube channel, you bet your ass I’m smashing that mfing subscribe button.

The story goes that, following on from the success of their ASMR sleep podcast earlier in the year, the Swedish flatpack giants have released their crack at Slow TV, which features a live, real-time journey of IKEA furniture making the trip from its port of origin to a store in Australia.

That’s a 14-day, 336-hour journey on a freight ship across the seas, into a delivery truck, and the finally onto the shop floor.

Better still, the entire thing is accompanied by an audio track which features Kent and Sara, the IKEA Sleep Podcast hosts, reading out the names of products from IKEA’s upcoming catalogue.

It’s just….. so soothing.

The stream started today and is set to continue until Thursday, September 26th, culminating in the store’s “Festival of Sleep” promotion.

The boat is all well and good, but give me a long video of someone quietly and confidently putting together a Hemnes cupboard.

That’s the good shit, baby. That’s the gear I need.