Sweden. Hell of a country. Really terrific.
Nice people. Fresh cool air. Enviable socially progressive policies.
Also, as it turns out, absolute bloody sadists out to destroy everyone’s lives one allen key at a time.
The nation that spaffed out IKEA‘s demonic flat-pack furniture unto the world is about to unleash its latest diabolical creation that will be directly responsible for a spike in Australia’s collective blood pressure.
The Swedish furniture giant will release its newest product, an actual bloody bike, into our local market come September.
The new treadly, known as the SLADDA, is a lightweight, aluminium beast that apparently copped a heaping of praise in the prestigious Red Dot Design Awards.
The two-wheeler sports a “maintenance-free drive belt,” and is apparently “rust resistant.” There’s a range of extras and add-ons available to purchase as well, such as front and rear storage racks, a trailer, and some sort of bag.
In keeping with IKEA design, the bike is designed to be user-friendly, extremely low-maintenance, and built to last a long, long time (the dang thing comes with a whopping 25 year warranty on the frame).
IKEA Australia’s sustainability manager Richard Wilson issued a statement spruiking the virtues of this new mass-produced personal transit vehicle:
“We are incredibly excited to bring the SLADDA to Australian stores. Our customers have told us they are in need of a convenient, cost-effective and efficient mode of transport and the SLADDA offers the perfect solution. To be awarded Best of the Best in its category at the Red Dot Awards, the top prize reserved for ground-breaking product design, speaks volumes for the quality of the product.”
The SLADDA is, however, gonna cost you a few grey hairs during the construction phase, with the product set to be “semi” flat packed.
Your sick new whip arrives in IKEA stores from September, and will set you back a cool $799.
All IKEA stores still sell hot dogs and Swedish meatballs for dirt fucking cheap. Which, to be honest, is the company’s main selling point.
Source: IKEA.
Photo: Supplied.
