You know that feeling when it’s the night before some monumental task is due – maybe it’s a presentation, or a uni assignment, or whatever – and it hits 9pm and you feel that deep lurch in your gut as you realise, far too late, that you have forgotten about it entirely? And you’re performing insane mental calculus on how you can divide the scant remaining hours between work and sleep to get it done? You start wargaming out strategies of avoidance, attempting to remember how many ‘family funerals’ you’ve lied about in the past to get out of doing similar things?
This is what I imagine Scott Morrison was going through the night before the Liberal Party official campaign launch when he dreamed this one up:
It is my vision for this country as your Prime Minister to keep the Promise of Australia to all Australians.
— Scott Morrison (@ScottMorrisonMP) May 12, 2019
What are you talking about? Scott’s a marketing man at heart, having come through Tourism Australia, and this absolutely stinks of the kind of thing you’d read on an ad at a bus stop.
Some possible suggestions for what the ‘Promise of Australia’ is:
- Pluggers which will never blow out when you’re walking to the shops to buy milk
- A toasty warm tinny of Rivet Lager, available at select Aldi locations
- A 1997 Ford Falcon with three busted window rollers
- A pub schnitty in the very reasonable $10-15 dollar range when it’s not schnitty night
- One of those ‘Best Pub Rock Songs’ CD compilations they still sell at Big W
- An esky which has a weird brownish film formed at the bottom of it which no one can be bothered to sponge off
- A Sanity in every regional shopping centre in the year 2019
What are you on about, Scotty?
