Friends, allies and enemies of the state, if you look up to the sky you will not see a bird, nor will you see a plane. What you will see however is a gorgeous half-moon that has been jokingly called the ‘taco moon’ by Taco Bell. What the guac does that mean for your star sign? Well, buckle up tortilla crunch, because I’m about to tell you.
Now look, the taco moon may not actually be a real thing, but that doesn’t mean that the moon won’t actually look like a taco tonight, because it definitely will. It also doesn’t mean that your star sign will be drastically affected by the lunar properties of this ultra-rare formation.
The ‘taco moon’ was invented by Taco Bell as an 8 pm – 12 am promo to help you grab a free taco. All you need to do is say you saw the moon in the sky like a big pizza… taco… and you’ll score some goodies for a total of zero dollarydoos.
The best time to see it? Well, 8 pm – 12 am on May 4, which is right fkn now friends.
Breaking news: the world is getting a new lunar phase on 5/4. Oh, and everyone’s getting a free Crunchy Taco too from 8 PM to 12 AM or all day through the app or online. #TacoMoon ???? ????
— Taco Bell (@tacobell) April 29, 2021
However, I am not here to promote said taco moon freebies, I am here to discuss the astrological shifts and changes that this moon will bring about.
So, without any further ado, it’s crunch time!
Ram buddies! The taco moon shall bring forth the sudden urge within you to rewatch The Princess Diaries, both the original and its stunning sequel.
Do not ask me how a half-moon will do this, as it is rude to question the lunar knowledge that an astrologer such as myself possesses.
Alright, now garn git yourself back to Genovia.
Your bedroom decor just isn’t hitting right by Taurian pals, and it is time to redecorate. Have you tried adding a splash of chartreuse here and there? Maybe a light shade of razzmatazz?
If neither of these colours calls out to you, it will appease the taco moon if you bought a new indoor plant for your room. Go on, do it.
The taco moon tells me (we’re good friends) that in your mirror you will see the baddest bitch to ever walk the Earth.
Trust me, go and look at the mirror. Bad. Bitch. Go and tell all your non-Gemini friends that you have surpassed them in bad bitchery, and write a thank you note to the taco moon for this blessing.
Crabby crabs! My Cancerian friends it is time to put away the online shopping tabs. You’re only keeping them there because you know one day you’re going to fall into the trap of buying two new pairs of corduroy pants and a plain white tee that you’ll wear to death until it’s gray.
Save the money. Pinch those pennies with those crab claws.
Queens, Kings and other royals of the court, it is time for you to text that special person. Go on, text them. You’re always the centre of attention in most situations, but in this one, you need to text. That. Person. You. Have. A. Crush. On.
I know you have a fear of making the first move, but be inspired by the taco moon. Just think, what would taco do? The answer is it would TEXT them. Now go on and do it, I’ll wait.
Hey, hello, wassup my Virgins (what on Earth do you call a Virgo anyway?) This taco moon is going to absolutely rock your sex life.
Something about the planar alterations that fluctuate between Venus and Mars. I don’t make the rules I am simply a messenger for the stars.
Now go forth and enjoy the astral pleasures that await you.
Balancing babes, hello! Time to tip those scales you always keep in order and absolutely let loose. The taco moon allows it!
Go completely wild for once. Do something daring. Plot the fall of the Roman Empire (I’m Italian and allow it). The world is your oyster, my Librarian friends, it’s time to shuck it and suck it.
You chaotic crawlers, how are you? Time to save your venom, because the taco moon is about keeping the peace. I know you absolutely want to tear into that one binch who keeps getting on your nerves, but for the sake of peace, spare them.
Use your stinger in productive ways like… painting with venom? Idk, just take it easy, please.
My sag sisters, how do we do. As a Sag myself, I feel obliged to say that the taco moon is giving us the most blessings this year! How do I know this? Well, it is simply written in the stars. It’s just in cursive so you might not be able to make it out like I can.
Sag friends, the taco moon is going to give us a week (just one) of pure blessings! Goodness is ours! I am manifesting amazing days for all of us! Praise the taco.
Capri Suns, I am afraid to tell you that the ghost your house harbours within its fibro heart shall pull itself from the walls of your home under the light of the taco moon.
Call the Ghostbusters, get the candles out and be ready to get spooked. Rumour says if you leave a single solitary taco on a pure white plate in your kitchen, the ghost shall leave you alone.
Just a rumour though… just a rumour.
Aquariums, it’s time to tell you that you should look into pet fish. Seriously, start looking into getting a pet fish. It bears repeating.
Don’t think you can get away with not looking into this, because the taco moon has ways of bringing fish into your life… somehow.
Speaking of fish, hello Pisces! Lucky last as always. You may be the most emotional of the bunch, but under the light of the taco moon, you will soon become the most hungry.
Give in to those peckish crazings as the lunar rocks make hardshell taco formations. All is fine and acceptable under the taco moon, and, all tastes better too.