I’ve been spending my lockdown at home with my family. Not necessarily by choice, but simply because I was living at home at the beginning of the year and now I’m stuck here thanks to the coronavirus pandemic.
There are heaps of reasons to be grateful for my situation. I’m not lonely, my parents are far better cooks than I am, and I don’t have the threat of some dickhead landlord trying to kick me out during a global pandemic.
But that doesn’t mean it can’t still be irritating at times.
My parents are either working from home, or spending less time at their workplaces, and my brother is doing online classes at school. This means I’m stuck with the same three people for 24 hours a day.
Is it hell? Almost. Am I making it work? Hell yes.
I’m sure plenty of you are in the same position. Here’s what I’ve learned to avoid losing my mind.
1. Be tidy
My room looks like an episode of Hoarders. Until now, that was purely my domain and purely my problem. Outside of my room, I of course cleaned up after myself like the good, house-trained son I am.
But there’s something about lockdown which makes everything feel smaller and more cluttered. My dumpster of a bedroom cannot be forgotten about by leaving the house.
I actually noticed the impact of my own tidiness on my parents the other day. For the first time ever, I picked up a feather dustser and my mum’s jaw dropped. I don’t remember the last time I saw her so ecstatic.
However, the reason I picked up the duster was not to clean my room, but rather tend to my collection of rare and antique glass soft drink bottles. Their disappointment was palpable.
But the sentiment still stands! Being tidy does wonders for your family relationships during lockdown. And now I’ve committed to cleaning my room.
2. Make a point of leaving the house
This point is a bit misleading. Obviously, stay the fuck at home. Medical advice (and the law) says we should not be leaving the house for non-essential purposes. Don’t catch up with mates, don’t go to the goddamn beach, and don’t, under any circumstances, have a house party (you’ll be fined $25,000).
But… we’ve all gotta buy shit. Shopping is of course an essential task, and it’s now also an opportunity to stretch your legs, get fresh air and bask in a moment of solitude from your relos.
Exercise is also allowed, so long as it’s not in groups. I’ve found myself going for walks and runs, and they’ve become the highlights of my day. I’ve also noticed that I’m much more relaxed after I’ve quite literally stretched my legs for the day. Iso-cramps are not a thing I ever thought I’d speak into existence.
But back to coping with your parents! Think about it this way: if you end up living like a basement dweller, you’ll end up behaving like one too.
3. Cherish mealtimes
Ok, in my opinion this is just good advice regardless of whether we’re in a pandemic or not. It’s healthy to set aside time to share a meal with one another, talk about your day, and even complain about how fucking bored you are.
When the lockdown first began, ‘life coach’ types started going on about how important it is to establish a routine and not become a slob while spending your days at home. To be honest, I wouldn’t really know if this is true of not. But I do know that having family meals kind of fits in to this, especially for those who do it less regularly.
Mealtimes are special because they force you to set aside time to touch base with your relos, and to simply wind down without any kind of overstimulation. Also, because of the lockdown, it’s becoming increasingly easy to spend the whole day in your room, which is bound to fuck up the harmony of your household lockdown.
4. Don’t be so damn loud
As much as I’d like this to be subtle jab at my mum’s early morning vacuuming habits, this is really something which applies both ways.
Because we literally can’t escape each other for the time being, winding down is more important than ever. With this in mind, it’s a good idea to hush for a bit just so people can relax in their own space without the TV blaring, the stove boiling over, the fucking lawnmower wailing or – in my case – screaming with mates on the phone.
This doesn’t mean we have to tiptoe around one another. I still play music all the time, as do my parents. Sometimes we even hear each other’s music from the other room (their taste sucks btw).
But it does mean I probably won’t be blasting Eurovision tracks all night when I know for a fact everyone in my household is pent up about not having properly left the house in weeks. There’s a time, place and volume for everything.
5. Talk… the right amount
My goodness. Sometimes after a long day all I want to do it chill. But for some reason, my parents always seem to be chirpy AF at this time and will happily suck the remaining life force out of me with their incessant lecturing. Learning to shut up and not narrate each other’s lives has become a huge asset while in iso.
Oh the other hand, not talking is also weird. Having a close and healthy relationship is only possible through chatting with one another, believe it or not. So just because you’re tired doesn’t mean you should sign off and resign yourself to peaceful night with your internal monologue.
These two points might sound at odds with one another, but they’re actually two branches of the same tree: healthy communication. I’m not talking abut expressing how you feel or anything like that (not that that’s not important!) but rather, you should find a healthy balance of being in contact with the relos you’re sharing a house with.
6. Remember your parents are humans, just like you
We’re all struggling, and that includes our parents.
Parents will be moody at times, and that’s normal and OK. Everyone gets a bit cranky for nor real reason, but it becomes way more noticeable when we’re all stuck at home.
If they’re unreasonably cranky, be reasonable. They’ve been doing the same thing for us for most of our lives, tbh.
Are things going perfectly for me? Of course not, but no family is perfect.
However, by being aware of what I need to cope during lockdown, and how my own presence in this brick-and-mortar birdcage impacts others, I’m able to make this family lockdown far more bearable than I expected.
Dinner smells good tonight.
