Hitler’s Oldest Living Relative Breaks Lifelong Silence To Call Trump A Liar

Folks, strap on in. It’s time for a wild, wild ride.

US President Donald Trump isn’t exactly the most widely respected of world leaders. But, as it turns out, that level of disrespect extends all the way over to the family tree of none other than Adolf Hitler.

You know. That guy.

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Hitler’s oldest living relative has broken a long-held silence to run Trump through the ringer thanks to a recent interview from German tabloid paper Bild.

Alexander Stuart-Houston, who is Hitler’s great-nephew, is now 68-year-old man who was born in Long Island just outside of New York City.

For decades he, along with his two surviving brothers Louis and Brian, have refused media interviews in favour of living quiet, nondescript lives in New York State.

However Bild somehow managed to track the eldest great-nephew of Actual Hitler down and convinced him to speak on the record.

Alexander, whose middle name is (get this) Adolf, revealed that while he was a lifelong Republican voter, he hates the ground that Trump walks on.

The last person I would say I admire is Donald Trump. He is definitely not one of my favourites. Some things that Trump says are all right… It’s his manner that annoys me. And I just don’t like liars.

I always vote for the person who does the best job.

A liar. The Great-Nephew of Hitler just called Donald By-God Trump a liar. My god.

Somehow, the interview delved off into much wilder territory, with Stuart-Houston revealing he is firmly in support of current German Chancellor Angela Merkel (“I like her. She’s good. She seems to be an intelligent and smart person“) and revealing one of his brothers was set to marry his Jewish girlfriend until she learned the family’s secret and broke up with him. How’s that for a goddamned dealbreaker. That it didn’t wind up on an episode of Maury Povich is some outright criminal bullshit.

Stuart-Houston’s grandfather, Alois Hitler, was Adolf Hitler’s half-brother and settled in England prior to all the unpleasantness with *that* side of the family. His father, William, emigrated to the US and actually wound up fighting with the United States Navy in World War II. It wasn’t until after the war that the family changed their surname to Stuart-Houston to protect themselves from public scrutiny. So in World War II there legitimately was a guy named Billy Hitler dressed in US colours who was out to bash his dastardly Nazi-leader of a half-uncle.

If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a very important phone call to make to every major Hollywood film studio right now.