Here Is An Angry Weather Report On How Fucking Cold It’ll Be This Weekend


Apparently it’s going to be ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FREEZING this weekend, so this is your PSA to stay all cosy indoors, and pre-buy booze and jumpers so you don’t have to wander outside through FUCKING ICICLES to stay warm and enjoy a weekend bevvie.

It’s gonna be SO FUCKING COLD and that’s FUCKING ANNOYING, so here is your ANGRY WEATHER REPORT:
NEW SOUTH WALES/ACT
THE BLUE MOUNTAINS IS GONNA GET FUCKING SNOWED ON OVER THE WEEKEND, AND ITS ALREADY FUCKING SNOWING IN SOME ALPINE AREAS!
IN SYDNEY IT’S GONNA BE TOP OF 15 FUCKING DEGREES, BUT THE WIND WILL MAKE IT FEEL FAR FUCKING COLDER.
A TOP OF SEVEN MOTHERFUCKING DEGREES FOR CANBERRA ON SUNDAY – YOU’RE GONNA BE FUCKING FREEZING CANBERRA!

NORTHERN TERRITORY
ALICE SPRINGS AND ULURU COULD GET DOWN TO ZERO FUCKING DEGREES OVERNIGHT, THAT’S SO FUCKED WE HOPE YOU GUYS ARE OKAY!
DARWIN, YOU’LL BE FINE YOU LUCKY FUCKS, 32 DEGREES OVER THE WEEKEND. WHAT THE FUCK DARWIN, ARE YOU AWARE IT’S WINTER?

QUEENSLAND
IT MIGHT FUCKING SNOW IN THE STANTHORPE AREA, AND YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING LUCKY TO GET TEN DEGREES ON THE FUCKING WEEKEND AND MOST OF NEXT WEEK.
BRISBANE GETS 15 DEGREES MAX OVER THE WEEKEND, WHICH MEANS YOU’RE FUCKED BECAUSE YOU GUYS LIKE IT HOT & HUMID THERE RIGHT? GOOD FUCKING LUCK BRISSY!

SOUTH AUSTRALIA
YOU’RE GONNA BE COLD FOR A FUCKING WHILE, LIKE IN THE EARLY MID-TEENS ‘TIL THE END OF NEXT WEEK, PROBABLY. IT’LL BE ONLY 12 FUCKING DEGREES IN THE CITY OVER THE WEEKEND, AND IT’S POSSIBLE IT’S GONNA FUCKING SNOW IN THE HILLS!

TASMANIA
YOU GUYS GET SOME SNOW IN ALPINE AREAS TOO, POSSIBLY FROM TONIGHT. YOU’RE GONNA BE STUCK BETWEEN 11 FUCKING DEGREES AND 13 FUCKING DEGREES FOR A WHOLE FUCKING WEEK, UGH!
VICTORIA
YOU GUYS ARE GETTING FREEZING WINDS AND HAIL AND POSSIBLY SNOW IN SOME AREAS! ALSO, IT’S PROBABLY GONNA BE FUCKING FREEZING UNTIL THURSDAY-ISH. ONLY ELEVEN FUCKING DEGREES SUNDAY, AND 12 FUCKING DEGREES DURING NEXT WEEK, WHAT THE FUCK.
WESTERN AUSTRALIA
YOU’RE GONNA GET LARGE AREAS OF FROST SO DON’T POUR HOT WATER ON YOUR CAR WINDSCREEN TO GET RID OF THE ICE BECAUSE IT’LL CRACK THE FUCKING GLASS, ALRIGHT?! IT’LL ONLY BE 3 TO 5 FUCKING DEGREES OVERNIGHT, AND MAX 17 DEGREES DURING THE DAY.

STAY FROSTY AUSTRALIA, AND REMEMBER NOT TO LEAVE INDOOR HEATERS UNATTENDED!

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