I for one am getting QUITE sick of boomers spouting their “climate change isn’t reeeeal” bullshittery when statistics keep rolling in from actual scientists who confirm that, in fact, the planet is on fucking fire.

Whether it’s experts telling us the climate changes in South-East Asia have likely led to the far-too-early bushfire season this year, or just giant swathes of ice wall dropping into the Antarctic oceans, it’s like global warming is smacking us all in the face with a rotten salmon and everyone who is a purposely ignorant asshole is saying “do you smell a faint hint of caviar? No?”.

The latest GREAT NEWS you guys comes from The Climate Council, who released a terrifying report today that indicates Australia has had 206 – TWO HUNDRED AND SIX – heat records broken in just three months this year. It doesn’t stop there – the highest temps on record were broken not in one area, but across 87 different locations. This isn’t some random occurrence in like, the Northern Territory desert – Australia is fucked.

Oh, there’s more. You know those horrific raging bushfires? Yes yes I know Australia has had bushfires forever, old cretinous boomer who is currently tappa-tappa-ing away on his phone that has one of those wallet-phone-cases to tell me I’m being dramatic. While we’ve had bushfires forever, this is an early start to the season – and it’s just going to get worse.

“Queensland and New South Wales have both lost more homes (to bushfire) since August 2019 than in any previous year, with the hottest months of the fire season still to come,” the report explained.

All those blazes – which are likely to continue if the heat isn’t relenting and the winds don’t quit – are giving our air some quality smoky treats that are, surprise/shock/surprise, not great for the old lungy bois.

“Climate change is a serious health issue. Health professionals like myself have a duty to speak up just as we did with asbestos and tobacco,” Dr Kate Charlesworth from Health NSW told news.com.au. She said the impact on air quality in some areas is so fucked up, “it’s the equivalent of smoking 40 cigarettes a day”.

She also explained that one of the biggest health risks for Aussies are the deadly heatwaves, which can lead to everything from heat exhaustion and critical dehydration to worsening of heart and kidney disease.

The absolute peak shitty news from The Climate Council report, though? Sydney and Melbourne could see 50 degree summer days before the end of the century.

“Climate change is supercharging the extreme weather events we are witnessing. We have seen temperature records smashed, bushfires in winter and a prolonged drought. Climate change is influencing all of these things,” said Climate Councillor and report author, Professor Will Steffen.

But you know, cLiMaTe ChAnGe IsN’t ReAl.

Image: BoM