Fuck Freakshakes Right Off: This Fried Nutella/Maltesers Dessert Is Insane

If this latest unholy creation is anything to go by, then 2015’s trend of Frankensteining the fuck out of desserts is continuing well into the new year. Our hearts just gave a little gluggy skip. Our general sheen of sweat just got even thicker. Every single one of our chins just waggled.

This, dear readers, is the Fried Maltella, a Nutella fried ice-cream drizzled in hot salted caramel sauce and crushed Maltesers.

That thing is the size of a large grapefruit, and takes about six people to eat, give or take your willingness to commit and/or share food.

Wanna see it in HD form set to a bangerz track? (OF COURSE YOU DO.)

Piccolo Me – Fried Maltella from PEDESTRIAN.TV on Vimeo.

Salivating from both ends, tbqh with you.

Creator of the Maltella, Roy El Hachem (co-founder of cafe chain Piccolo Me), reckon it’s “the largest Nutella fried ice-cream in the world,” which it damn well might be.

“I was up all night googling,” he told PEDESTRIAN.TV. “I didn’t find anything bigger, so I’m claiming that title.”

It’s actually a plus-sized version of a Nutella ice fried ice-cream he created about a year ago, which is available in most Piccolo Me stores (get the list here) and is the more manageable – but less attention-grabbing – size of an apple: 

He decided to bump up the scale of his creation by 300-or-so %, because the kid-sized ones didn’t get much attention. “Plus, Nutella wasn’t much of a thing a year ago,” he said, which is some straight-up BLASPHEMY, but we’ll allow it. 

* Nutella is love, Nutella is life *

The literal only downside (apart from thousands of kilojoules) to the giant Fried Multellas is that they’re something of a logistical nightmare. Roy is still trying to figure out how to recreate them for easy sale in store (he’s only made 12 so far), so they are, as of right this second, Not Available For Sale.

sobbing.gif x 1000.

But in happier news, they should be available from Piccolo Me’s Macquarie Uni store in about a week, and you can pick up a smaller version at most of their other stores. What you can’t do, however, is recreate this shit at home; Roy’s keeping a tight-lip on the recipe.

“I can’t tell you how it’s made,” he told us. “Some things should remain secret.”

The mystery of the giant fuck-off #dessertporn continues.

Photos: supplied.