Over the years there has been some truly absurd nonsense coming out of FOX News; claiming Obama has a real birth certificate from the Moon or wherever, paper-thin political deadshits telling LeBron James to “shut up and dribble,” every news anchor on the network claiming to have sucked off a goblin (probably, I’m not poisoned enough in the head to watch and confirm that). But this latest one may just take the entire demented cake.

Pete Hegseth, host of President Trump’s favourite ego-stroking show Fox & Friends, unleashed the wild and frankly insane claim yesterday that germs are not real, and cannot possibly be real, because he himself cannot see them.

To that end, he continued, he has simply not washed his hands in nigh on 10 years. He refuses to, he asserts. He will not do it.

Let’s be real here, whether or not he’s very serious about the decade-long handwashing abstinence or not, one thing can be agreed upon: The fuck are you doing saying shit like that on air, dickhead?

For what it’s worth, old mate almost immediately doubled down on his claims on Twitter, claiming it was actually a joke you morons, you fucking idiots.

How incredibly weird that we, the viewing public, did not immediately see the inherent sarcasm in the unhinged ramblings of a FOX News host.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to make a fortune by pivoting into a conservative TV pundit who exclusively makes wild, unverifiable claims like “lava is safe to touch” and “pants are for cucks.”

And if you get angry at me at any time, it’s a joke.

When you all make that face at me, it was a joke. GOD.